Subway Diet

WARNING THIS ARTICLE MAY CONTAIN MATERIAL OFFENSIVE TO FAT PEOPLE. I mean really is it that hard to understand walk a mile and eat a fucking sandwhich

The guy who thought up the subway diet it worked for him......

Jared's wet dream from last night

You attempting the subway diet

Just The Facts

  1. The story is that everyday Jared walked on mile to his local subway for a healthy off the menu
  2. he actually lost a ton of weight which proves that even though you are a hefty stinking fatass you can make good choices and get on the right track
  3. your efforts are useless if you don't excersise daily and you gorge. because even subway is a bad choice if it is soaked in butter and covered in bacon

Three ways ways not to suceed at the subway diet

First off let me begin by posting the diet used by jared to lose that shit ton of weight.

Breakfast: Coffee
Lunch: A 6 inch Turkey Sub + potato chips (baked)
Dinner: A 12 inch veggie Sub

That is the rumored diet. Ok First

1 You will not lose a shit ton of weight like Jared here if you walk into subway and order the damn supreme philly cheese steak, that thick vieny bastard has more meat than John Holmes and more fat than chris farley. I mean Honestly i saw a man walk into a subway the other day who i swear to god weighed over 400 pounds and ordered that thing the first though that popped into my head was if he is trying the subway diet he is going at it all wrong

2 Not gonna lie. Every fat man in america dreams of dropping weight and becoming what women masturbate to not vice verse,but you know what they lack? The will power to do so i mean why the hell would you get off your ass and do something when there is a surgery that will fix it all. Although i personally picture these modern day mammoths as examples of the amazing human body (look at me sounding like the discorvery channel) I mean if you can walk and you weigh 450+ you deserve a fucking medal or something, And the fact that the tiny heart can pump blood to all that is beyond me.

3 The reason 99.9 percent of diets fail is because people don't see results after the first week so they lose there drive i think it took jared around a year and a half to drop his weight so don't get discouraged. I mean if your not willing to devote yourself to a diet and excersise program that is probably why you became morbidly obese in the first place

Three reason why people don't like hanging around morbidly obese people

1 Nine times out of ten the really fat guys smell like absolute dog shit not sure why but they just smell awful.

2 Not sure but i have this vast feeling that sex would be awful if you huge or that it would prove to much effort. i mean in movies you always see the fat guys behind the virtual hot girls not really sure why that is either but i have two theories as to why movies say that.

1 Movies are saying all Morbidly obese people with a virtual conterpart are gay and like it when men fondle the male/female breast

2 Or all fat guys are perves and just wanna be a woman so that they can look and grope and touch themselves all the time.

I personally go with the second but it is still up for debate. Well..... to get back on subject

3 Really fat guys are one of two people : The really funny nice fat guy who has been forced to develop wit to counter act the teasing attempts of his piers and possibly future employees.because if he doesn't suicide will more than likably be the route he chooses

or the complete and utter ass hole who thinks that the world superbly fucked him over making him eat all those extra bon bons from the bakery . examples include The gothic fat ass, The redneck Fat ass, and the plain bad attitude fatass, then there is the braggart fat ass who thinks that just because he says he fucked five of the hottest girls in the baryou will believe it

4 And this is the secret reason why it sucks to be morbidly obese because you become the "friend" to the hottest girl on the planet but get nowhere relationship wise. oh she tells you about every guys shes fucked and even how they did it but when the question of you two as an item pops up she says something along the lines of " no silly that would just ruin our friendship" and then she asks you how she looks in certain bras (so i guess that gig could have its perks)