Justin Beiber

His name is spelled wrong, but who gives a shit. Who the fuck is this kid? Why is he famous? Is he gay? He's gay, right? No? Fuck. He seems pretty gay.

Out of frame, a water bottle is hurtling towards his head.

Just The Facts

  1. Girls between the ages of 7-17 seem to be his primary fan base
  2. Guys in the spectrum of not gay to macho hate him with a passion
  3. Once he hits puberty, his career is over

Why is he famous?

Some CEO found him on youtube, thought little girls might like him, so he contacted Bieber and signed him. Now he's all over the place, and there is no end in sight. But never fear, all things must come to an end. Case in point, there was someone who threw a water bottle at his head. This proves that even people who show up at his concerts are disappointed in him. Why? Probably because he's been accused of lip syncing. Just a guess. It's only a matter of time before his career disappears under the ocean of American pop culture like a sinking Titanic.

This is the beginning.

If you think about it, there have been plenty of artist in the past similar to Bieber. Using the idea that history repeats itself, one can only assume Bieber's career will suffer the same fate (God willing). For instance, the Backstreet Boys and N*Sync were popular for a relatively short period of time, and sure girls still listen to it every now and again; but as soon as the poplace smelled what these guys were shoveling, their careers died. If you look at them after their music was considered old news, you'll notice that the only relatively successful and well known artist to come out of those groups was Justin Timberlake (coming out of the closet doesn't count, Lance). That's 1 out of 10, and that's only counting those two boy bands. If Bieber's career rides on his pre-teen fan base, how long do you think it will be before Bieber loses everythng when he starts shaving?


If you love him, you're a troll and don't know what real music is. If you hate him and want him to die, have no fear; his career will most likely be dead fairly soon. In the meantime, you can avoid the pain of listening to his songs by quickly switching the knob to "off".

You've got to be REAL quick, though.