Mr. Bean

Mr. Bean is a fictional character who seems to cause disaster and despair wherever he goes. Think of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, only with senses of humor and more slapstick.

Mr Bean: A child in the body of a man, with the facial expressions of an asylum patient.

Just The Facts

  1. Mr. Bean is a fictional character created and played by Rowan Atkinson, who starred in a British televison series of the same name.Rowan Atkinson, despite playing the roles of men with higher IQ's such as the Prince Edmund Blackadder and Inspector Raymond Fowler in The Thin Blue Line, will always be
  2. His main traits include a tendency to wear tweed jackets and red ties, and fondness for teddy bears. Oh, and the stupidity thing.
  3. He has been hinted to be an alien, which oddly enough, puts context to all his buffoon-like antics.

Mr. Bean (Television Show)

Mr. Bean follows the exploits of Mr. Bean, a Londoner who has difficulty keeping up with the pace of life. Each episode fosuses on an aspect of living seemingly normal to us, but to Mr. Bean appears like a giant, 729-square Sudoku puzzle.

Above: Normal life, as seen by Bean.

Everyday activities such as shopping, going to church, participating in social activities, and going to a movie turn into disastrous cavalcades. If the BBC launched an episode where Mr. Bean goes to war, it would probably have ended with the Japanese taking over the British empire.

The show, despite not filming such an episode, gave us the next best thing.

Throughout all 14 episodes of Mr. Bean, the man ends up causing more social unrest than the Situation misquoting a Green Lantern quote in a comic convention. The following comprises some of the most atrocious acts Mr. Bean has gotten away with in the series:

Public Nudity! (The Curse of Mr Bean, Mr Bean In Room 426)

In the Curse of Mr Bean, Mr Bean manages to lose his swimming trunks in a public swimming pool. After choosing not to spend all day in the pool and turn into a British tea-and-crumpets Hans Moleman, he attempts to escape to his car naked, but is seen by a group of women.

Depicted: the exact second in which Bean realizes he's fucked (7:03).

Meanwhile, Mr Bean In Room 426 deals with him having to obtain his room key after he is locked out after a shower. To get the key, he undergoes a series of stealth-like events, not unlike a naked, inept Sam Fisher.

Left: The good kind of stealth. Right: The Bean kind of stealth.

The best to be said here is that Mr. Bean is living the dream. 'The Dream' being 'awkwardly standing naked in front of a group of women.'

Above: the culmination of his dreams. It's the same picture as before, but aren't dreams recurrent?

Blasphemy! (Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean)

While waiting for the line for his Christmas shopping, Mr. Bean spots a Nativity scene. Said Nativity scene becomes the stage for a quaalude-inspired recollection of Christmas Eve. As shady as our Biblical education might be, we're pretty sure the birth of Christ didn't involve two tanks, a Dalek, and a freaking Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Depicted: An inaccurate Christmas Eve - now with Daleks!

Although his play ends abruptly after a policeman storms into the dollhouse containing a helicopter-evacuated Baby Jesus in a dollhouse (seriously), you have to admit a Dalek on Christmas Eve would have been kickass.

A commando-like angel on a chopper would have been nice, too.

Impersonating Royalty! (Hair by Mr. Bean of London)

Mr. Bean goes into the barbershop for a haircut, and ends up cutting the hair of his barber's customers. The episode teaches the moral lesson that Mr. Bean should never, ever be left near anything resembling a pair of scissors ever again.

Also, that bowl cuts suck eggs.

After the hair-gluing, reverse mohawk-shaving fiasco that is Mr. Bean's Haircut special, all three of his customers arrive at the shop, blaming the real barber.In order to escape, Mr. Bean places a cardboard picture of Prince Charles to escape the place. This is either a jab at the pasteboard-like qualities of the royal personage's face, or...well, just that.

Practicing Medicine Without a License! (The Trouble With Mr. Bean)

Mr. Bean is such a terrible customer, he could turn a lemonade stand purchase into a hunt for a limo-driving bear. In The Trouble With Mr. Bean, he successfully incapacitates his dentist with his own needle, and, with no one to help him, becomes his own dentist.

Surprisingly, he didn't end up looking like this.

Oddly enough, Mr. Bean successfully operates on his own set of teeth, leaving a half-conscious dentist behind. There's a British teeth joke here somewhere, but it seems really unnecessary, not to mention rude. It would be like headbutting the Queen of England.

Headbutting the Queen of England! (The Return of Mr. Bean)

Bean, 1.5 seconds from being the first person to headbutt British royalty.

So you've taken your potshot at the Prince, one of the most popular figures in your country. What's the logical thing to do? Go on TV and apologize? Cut off your teddy bear's head? Go on TV and cut off your teddy bear's head as an apology?

Well, it appears that's not an option anymore.

The logical answer would be to balance the scales by having a female member of the Royal Family take a shot. This time around, the hit is literal rather than subtle, when Mr. Bean, after preparing to meet the Queen of England, greets her with a knock-out inducing headbutt.

Still, it's not everyday you get a royal monarch knocked out. He should have at least struck a victory pose or something, then fled the scene.

Illegal Immigration! (Hair by Mr. Bean of London)

Ever had a totally bad day? You wake up in the morning, find you're late for work, get all kinds of messed-up shit at the office, get told off by the boss for eating staples, face the business end of a mugger's gun, and come home to a house stomped on by Godzilla? And not the Japanese version - the American one.

There's only one word for that. And that word is 'Fuck'.

Mr. Bean has this sort of Bad Day Syndrome too. Only when he has them, it's less "oh, man, I'm going to get told off by the boss," and more of, "oh, man, I'm going to lose my train ticket, sneak past the guards, and get shipped by mistake to fucking Moscow."

You know those successful results for sneaking into a downtown train? Being trapped in a Moscow-bound line ain't one of them.

Which is exactly what happens. After Bean demonstrates this erratic method of getting a visit to Russia, the closing montage shows the details of his travel through land and sea to reach the country.

Since this was the last episode of the series, viewers must have assumed that after discovering Bean's illegal entry, he was immediately put to death by Vladimir Putin.

"You will not talk, is that it, Comrade Bean? Really? Agent Volkov. Agent Morozov. You know what to do."

Rowan Atkinson vs. Mr. Bean

To set the record straight, Rowan Atkinson, the creator of and actor who plays Mr. Bean, is nothing like the role he played.

For instance, the man who became famous for ruining Whistler's Mother in fact graduated from Newcastle University, UK with a degree in electrical engineering. This course is the one that involves high voltage machines, 80 bajillion watts, and a sizzling death in store for you if you touch any one of those. He even obtained a Master's Degree in Electrical Engineering.

You may be thinking, "No way, dude. That's Mr. Bean! The guy's so dumb, he thinks teddy bears are alive." Why, that's so absurd! Mr Bean, an engineer? What's next, Weird Al Yankovic was an architect? Arnold Schwarzenegger graduated with a business degree? Well, as it turns out, the answers to all three are yes.

While Mr. Bean has a quasi-girlfriend, Irma Gobb, their meetings end badly because of causes such as 'disappointment', 'frustration' and 'Mr. Bean'. Rowan Atkinson, on the other hand, is a proud husband and father of two. His wife, Sunetra Sastry, was a make-up artist in the BBC and today they have two children, Benjamin and Lily.

A wife and two children is definitely on the opposite side of the domestic scale from Mr. Bean, whose idea of a Christmas gift to his girlfriend is a poster hook. No, really.

For more reasons on why Mr. Bean is single, here's a picture of him with a shirt-slash-finger weiner.

If you found a treasure chest full of four-leaf clovers embedded into lucky quarters, and used one lucky quarter to buy a lottery ticket, which nabs you 100 million dollars, while being personally watched over by God and Superman, Mr. Bean would be the total opposite of that. So naturally, social life comes as a bit of a challenge for him.

Above: The thrill of the challenge.

Rowan Atkinson, on the other hand, has garnered several friends in the British entertainment industry. Aside from being a veteran of the British entertainment industry, he also remains one of the few people to have had the Cheshire Cat for his best man. Also, while Mr Bean's car is A British Leyland mini-Cooper like automobile, so shitty that it uses a padlock, Rowan Atkinson boasts of a collection of cars, namely an Aston Martin V8, a Lancia Delta Integrale, a Bentley Mulsanne, an MG X-Power SV, an Audi A8, and a McLaren F1, which is one of the world's fastest cars.

All those foreign sounding names mean that thanks to Mr Bean, the man who once rode the most bizarre sofa-auto hybrid ever...

...Rowan Atkinson is now riding this, and many more.

In conclusion, it turns out that being the guy who plays Mr. Bean is freaking awesome.