Rachel Ray

She's got Shiksa appeal...


Mhmmm, Turkey.

You know you've made it when...

Just The Facts

  1. FHM ranked Rachel Ray in their top 100 sexiest woman in 2004 and 2006. Coincidentally both would turn out to be down years in terms of sexy woman.
  2. Rachel Ray earned $15 million in 2009 - In a related story, the suicide rate for classically trained chef's is rising at an alarming rate
  3. Rachel introduced her own line of Pet Food in 2008, that bore a striking resemblance to one of her 30 Minute Meals.

Rachel Ray The Cook

Rachel Ray draws fire from the cooking community because she is not a trained chef, something she readily admits. Anthony Bourdain has called her "evil" for endorsing Dunkin' Donuts and she has become a hated member of the cooking community. So what's the problem?

Ray willfully admits her shortcomings; she cannot bake or even make coffee. She stays away from formal measurement in the kitchen, instead favoring cutesy phrases, such as "a palm-full."

She sites her Sicilian grandfather and Cajun ancestry as a big influence on her cooking. Who knew that that combination would equal crap?

Rachel Ray The TV Host

Besides putting Jewish men all over the country under a spell, Ray's day-time TV show won a couple Emmy's and catapulted her to fame. It was also a shot in the arm for the Olive Oil business and allowed Ray to slap her name on her own version of EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) that could put her in a mob war with Vito Corleone.

Ray's TV show was the result of a deal with Oprah's production company, making Ray the second day-time host with a charming personality and a fluctuating waist line.

Rachel Ray The ???

NFL Offensive Lineman? Fetish Film Actress? Competitive Boggle Player?

The sky seems the limit for Mrs. Ray and her story gives hope to all the moderately attractive and moderately talented human beings out there. This author included.