Michael Grant

Michael Grant: Old, Weird, Bald, and the source of my nightmares.

like i said: old, weird, bald, and the source of my nightmares

Just The Facts

  1. Michael Grant is bald
  2. He and his wife had written 150 books
  3. He's the author of the Animorphs and Gone series


The Animorphs are actually written by his wife, but he helps, so it's relevant. For those of you who weren't living under a rock during the late 90s, you would know the Animorphs as a crazy TV show on Nickelodeon. It's about some humans and an alien named Ax who possess the power to morph into animals that they touch so they can battle the Yeerks (slugs that take over your brain). I don't remember much because I was five when the show came out, but I do remember that Ax doesn't have a mouth in his real form. It's weird. Also, it got cancelled cause someone whored around and got preggers or something. However, because Grant is the source of my nightmares, let me show you why Animorphs is fucking creepy.


This book was described by a critic that if Stephen King wrote Lord of the Flies, it would be just like this book. Be afraid, be very fucking afraid.

Perido Beach, California. It's like Sweet Valley, but with surfers and less ditzy blond chicks. It's also the site of a nuclear incident and dubbed Fallout Alley by the locals. Sam is a regular guy, famous at his school for driving the school bus to the hospital after the driver had a heart attack in middle school. Other than that, he's a normal 14 year old surfer dude who has a mega crush on Astrid (smart blond). Suddenly, shazam, the teacher vanishes. Actually, a few students vanish too. Soon they figure out that everyone over the age of 14 in town just went bye-bye. They find on the fringes of Perido Beach that there's a giant dome over the entire area. Sam is made in charge and now they have to find out how to survive. They eventually call it the FAYZ (Fallout Alley Youth Zone)

On top of that, there are mutants. Some of the kids are getting odd powers and this one kid re-opens the Mickey D's and starts frying burgers like it's his job.

It ends up being his job.

Then, turns out Sam as a twin brother named Caine. Caine is telekinetic while Sam has some freakish light thing that burns shit. Sort of like Cyclops, but with his hands...oh wait haha, Cyclops's brother. They duke it out on their 15th birthday and they find a way to come back.

In the second book, everyone is hungry because food is running out fast. See, my first thought was to farm. They have plenty of land to do it, they have the materials, a library with such information, etc.

Micheal Grant said fuck that and put in MUTANT MAN EATING WORMS instead. That's right. The man eating worms reside in the cabbage fields where the only good farm goods are lying around and they don't like it when you step in their turf. You see, they're kind of like caterpillars in that they have little tiny legs they use to burrow into your body. How do they get into your body, you ask? They have pointy sharp teeth that are used to chew through your shoes, to your feet, and through your feet so they can pretty much eat you from the inside out.

Also, there's flying snakes, talking cyotes, cats that attack for no damn reason, and other scary ass shit that you don't wanna think about. Also, there's a alien, nuclear thingamabober that's trying to take over the area. It spends most of it's time glowing, scheming, and freaking people out. So ontop of starvation, crazy animals, politics, crowd control, a day care center, muntant kids, healthcare, some crazy telekinetic dude trying to take over, and the fact they're in a fucking DOME they have to deal with a Glowy Evil thing that gets into your head and makes you do it's bidding.

Now, in Lies, racism has been birthed. It's Humans vs. Freaks (mutant kids) and the Humans are not having it. Kids are maiming mutants, hanging them, and banishing them. It's really, all because of one idiot, but who cares how it started. The point is, no one is safe. This girl Brittany who was assumed dead is now sharing a body with Drake, a psychopathic 14 year old killer. He's like the Joker and Colkin in The Good Son morphed into some horrific sadistic souless teenager...with a whip for an arm. She requires no food or sleep, which as far as I'm concerned, is good news. That's one less mouth to feed. Lana, the Healer, is going crazy because she can feel the Glowy Evil in the corners of her brain. She copes by talking to her dog, drinking as much vodka as she can, and smoking.

Preview into Plague, the next installment of the series, everyone has the flu. That's just fucking peachy.


Like this, but with mutants and Glowy Evil

In Conclusion

Now every time I'm talking to my mom and she wanders off somewhere and she doesn't answer when I call her, I get Gone flashbacks. This book is absolutely terrifying and when I read it, I get a headache from all the misery. I pretty much told him so via myspace. He was glad that I liked the series and that I thought and pondered over everything. I'd add him, he's a cool dude. Also...he's bald.