Twilight Vs. Harry Potter

Twilight vs. Harry Potter. The Battle of the Millennium. The Battle of the Century. And above all, The Battle of Fictional Stupidity.

May the best shit win.

Just The Facts

  1. More than 400 million books in the Harry Potter series have been sold worldwide.
  2. More than 100 million books in the Twilight series have been sold worldwide.
  3. Both the series suck to the core.


Mr. Glitter, proud owner of Crayola Glitter Crayons.
Twilight is a 434 page waste of ink and paper, bound in black, with a picture of Steve Jobs' company's logo on the cover. Nevertheless, it is worth the money if you buy it in Winter, as it makes excellent firewood. Also, if you're a boy and you're single, I strongly recommend you buy this book. Bitches love it.
Twilight is a non-fictional, non-mythical and non-sense story, revolving around a human, a werewolf, and a vampire. If you don't know anything about the book, you would have said, "Humans? Werewolves? Vampires? Gosh, this book should be amazing!". But hold on. The human is a lustful girl, the werewolf is afraid of seeing a full moon, and the vampire is a vegetarian. What the heck.

The girl's name is Bella(ella, ella, eh, eh, eh) Swan. She's from a well off family of Trumpeter Swans.

The vampire is Edward Cullen. He's the only vampire in the world who prefers tomato juice over blood.

The werewolf is called Jacob Black. He's got noctophobia.

Jacob Black - Werewolf/Human
Jacob Black - Werewolf/Human

The mastermind behind this terrible series is Stephenie Mayor. The books are :-

1. Toilet: The beginning of the shit.

2. New n00b: Jacob Black joins the series. Like the others, he's also a n00b.

3. Big Lips: Bella's big fat lips are described in this book.

4. Making Porn: All the morons finally do something useful.

5. Midnight Sun: Stephenie Mayor showing her level of stupidity. No one can see the sun at midnight, duh.

Harry Potter

Harry Potter is the same as Twilight, only thing is that both the series are entirely different. This series is basically about a dude whose parents are killed by some pale guy. You Know Who is this pale faced guy.

Harry Potter is identified easily by his John Lennon specs, and the half-torn AC/DC tattoo on his forehead. He went to the Warthogs School of Witchcraft and Pottery to become a Potter, but he ended up in the school's Witchcraft wing. Harry studied under the school's best magic teacher, Criss Angel. He became a wonderful wizard, and in the seventh book of the series, he avenged the death of his parents.

Harry Potter: A good friend of Ron.

Ron Weasly: A good friend of Hermione.

Hermione Granger: A good friend of Harry.

Angry Young Man.
Angry Young Man.

The author of the series is Just Kidding Rowling. The books are :-

1. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Paper, Scissors: Harry beats a philosopher in a game of stone, paper, scissors.

2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Victoria's Secrets: Harry finds a Victoria's Secret shop in the cave behind the school. He gives some Valentine's Day gifts to Ginny.

3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Zoom-Zap-Bam!: Harry finally meets a convict, and he finally uses some spells to kill the convict.

4. Harry Potter and the Pants on Fire: Harry tells a lie, and his pants catch fire.

5. Harry Potter and the Usage of Chopsticks: Harry eats chopsuey, the Chinese way.

6. Harry Potter and the Half Drunk Prince: Harry goes to drunken barn dance and meets the Prince of Persia.

7. Harry Potter and the Deadly Gallows: Just Kidding Rowling showing her level of stupidity. Obviously, gallows are deadly.

The Climax: Edward vs Harry

[Note: The others aren't gonna fight. Why not? Because Madrid is the capital of Spain.]

Okay, so let's see our good old vegetarian vampire's qualities -

He's older than anyone you know. He's strong. Fast. Stupid. And he sparkles. So much, you can see him in the dark with all the lights off. He saved Bella, so he's a good guy. So good, he can't hurt a fly. And the most important fact - he's gay.

Now for our magical wizard's qualities -

He's got a wand. And.... well, that's all.

Seeing both the qualities, Edward should win.

BUT: Vampires don't breathe. Blood doesn't flow in their veins. Their heart doesn't beat. Hence, they can't have erections. Harry's a wizard. He can definitely have an erection.

Game over. Harry Potter wins.

"Ed, Ed... I am your father."