Anal Sex

Men will talk women into it, and women will beg to do something else. It's perpetuated in our society as an alternative to sex, but it's a very dangerous adventure.

Come on. Let's do it.

Just The Facts

  1. Some people find anal sex pleasurable.
  2. Some women have slapped their partner in the face for suggesting that they try it.
  3. It's a great way to get an STD.

As seen in Pornography

Anal sex is prominent in a lot of porn nowadays. You can find many anal sex videos on the web with little to no effort. Many of those will haunt your dreams and destroy your psyche.

"OK... Didn't know that was possible."

"I just feel inadequate now..."

Anal sex is one particular act shown in pornography that should really make you queezy. You don't have to know much about science to understand that anal sex is pretty dangerous (Warning: NSFW). People do it all the time, but there's more than enough reasons not to. First off, you'll notice that the article linked above mentions the words "risk" and "infection" several times. This is because anal sex is the most dangerous sexual act one can perform, and using lube only makes it slightly less dangerous. They also always skip the part in the film where the guy goes "OK, time for the Astroglide."

This isn't a good message to send to the youth of America who are going to think that anal is safer than vaginal because you can't get pregnant from it. You know they're going to try it. Not only that, they're going to think a dollop of saliva is going to be enough to penetrate the most unholiest of holies. This needs to stop. Unfortunately, our society has become so tired of the vagina that we've resorted to risking our health and safety so that we can get off. Here at Cracked, we can only come to the conclusion that it was just a matter of time before the butt became the last option to stimulate us. No matter what the cost.

"Well, what seems to be the - OMFG is that a spark plug?"

"Well, let's see wh- OMFG is that a sparkplug?"

It's not realistic at all (even though porn in general is very misleading, just read #9 in this list). Regardless, porn always has some guy going at this girl in her butt like he was trying to tenderize a tough steak. But hey, guess what? Anal sex hurts most people. It's not meant to be. The scientific backing for this should be more obvious, too. The anus doesn't self-lubricate itself like a vagina so lubrication becomes more than just preferable for anal. In fact, it becomes absolutely fucking necessary (pardon the pun).

Are we really that depraved? Are we really that shallow?

Nevermind. Forget I said that.

You want to put it where?

Man was never meant to enter the anus with their dingers. It's a huge mistake.

Pictured above: A very big mistake.

A HUGE mistake.

If we haven't told you enough reasons to convice you to never receive/administer/think about/jack off to anal ever again, here's another reason: You know how when you get that cramped up feeling in your bowels when you need to take a huge dump? Well guess what anal probably feels like to your lady friend. Not only that, but she may even take a giant dump right on your new sheets after you pull out.

It's sad but true, women need to go poop, too.

Gives a whole new meaning to "I'd fuck the shit out of her."

Yeah. Let that sink in.

So let that be a lesson to all of you: Be a trooper, stay out of the pooper.