A history of the very shiny, very loud object we all know (and love) as Lil Jon.
Lil Jon, born Jonathan Mortimer Smith, is a key vocalist and collaborator behind several supreme musical achievements, such as, "Bitches Ain't Shit", "Let My Nuts Go", and "I Don't Give a Fuck".
A self-described "DREAD-HEADED ASS", Lil Jon is easily recognizable by his untamed mane of rasta locks, bevy of gold chains/medallions, ever-present Oakleys, and openmouthed expression of defiance. He is also frequently spotted toting around a diamond-encrusted "pimp chalice", from which he fuels up on crunk juice.
Though now regarded for his charismatic presence and captivating good looks, Jonathan Smith was not always this fortunate. Prior to being scooped up and nurtured to ghetto-fabulousness by his record label and fellow musical colleagues The Eastside Boyz (who later faded into obscurity), Jon was just an another educated high school graduate.
On the left: Lil Jon's Senior Photo...also, what a turtle looks like without its shell.
Jonathan not only graduated from Douglass High School, but also went on to finish college at Ohio State University in 1993. Rather than utilizing his schooling, Jon reduced his vocabulary to a small handful of expletives and shouted affirmations, and stumbled onto success in the music industry.
In addition to (somehow) becoming a gainfully employed rapper/producer and pioneer of the "crunkster" movement, Lil Jon launched "CRUNK!!!", his energy drink, and has also released a series of porn.
In 2008, Lil Jon embarked on a new endeavor: the creation of the Little Jonathan Winery. He takes pride in his product, and has proclaimed, "This is not no ghetto Boone's Farm; this is some real wine." Straining the faith in humanity of oenophiles everywhere, the Los Angeles International Wine and Spirits Competition awarded the silver medal to Little Jonathan's 2006 Central Coast Chardonnay.
In addition, Lil Jon is slated to compete on the fourth season of NBC's "Celebrity Apprentice."
So the next time you're toiling away at your shitty desk job to pay off 10-year old student loans, just remember: God hates you, because Lil Jon's portfolio is netting him approximately $11 million dollars a year. YEEEEEEEEAH!!!