Smartwater

If Smartwater is smart, what does that make regular water, hmm...? What's that you're drinking? Du-I mean, regular water? Well...you know what they say: you are what you drink. Are you radical enough to join the H2Ovelution?

I may not be a waitress...But I play one on TV!

Our competitor's high-tech, unnatural alternative to Smartwater.

With Glaceau, you can make it rain.

Just The Facts

  1. Smartwater is so pure it was succesfully used to baptize Ayatollah Khomeini--twice.
  2. Smartwater is distilled from pure baby tears.
  3. Smartwater is useful as an industrial solvent, blood cleaner, medium for roofies, and hydration complex.
  4. Satisfaction Guaranteed--who would spend this much on anything but the best?

Smartwater: What are you going to do with those three dollars, anyway?

Normal water have you feeling dull? Then try Smartwater, from Glaceau (AKA the Centre for Responsible Hydration.) You can trust us--I mean, "responsible" is right there in our title. And, even though we're a private corporation whose sole interest is squeezing as much of your sweet, sweet cash our of your wallets as possible, our name makes it sound like we're some sort of governmental orginization or public standards commission. Or a lobbying group.

Anyway, you can definitely trust us. We feel you, man--our products have all sorts of hip slogans plastered all over our totally tubular drinks.

"Why," might you ask, "would I want to spend three dollars for a litre of water?" Well, allow me to respond: Our water comes from the purest source. So pure, in fact, that we can't even tell you--that would spoil the pristine-ness of it all. Baby tears, secret springs in the Canadian Rockies, remote sites on Antarctic Glaciers--for three dollars, the water may as well be from these places, and we're more than happy to let you believe we didn't get our water from a municipal supply.

It's not that our water is dirty to begin with, but we still find it necessary to shock it with disinfectants, boil it, collect the steam, condense it, and pass it through numerous filters before we try to sell it to you. In fact, our water is as pure as rain. I mean, can you get a bottle of pure rainwater for only three dollars? Didn't think so.

Finally, our water is SMART. I mean, it's in its name--we're not being pretentious or anything; this water could beat Jennifer Aniston in a game of Chess. And it has. Maybe you're not SMART enough to see why SMARTwater is the SMART choice. Well, I guess we'll just leave you to scratch your head and miss out on the greatest thing that's happened to beverages since sliced beer. Go on--enjoy your regular water. Too bad you'll never know what SMARTwater tastes like.

Because the best part of dropping three dollars for a bottle of water...is letting everyone else know you can drop three dollars on a bottle of water.