A romance novel by Jane Austin. In its original format sadly free of the zombie mayhem that makes the recent republishing a much better choice.
Our Heroine, Elizabeth Benneyt, lives in a small village with her family. This includes 4 sisters, three of which are total flakes. Of the flakes one is also a slut, Lydia , more on that later. Howver, this was written by a woman in 1813 so don't get your hopes up about that part of the story getting interesting.
Our Heroine's mother finds out that a rich young man, Mr. Bingly, has rented a house in the area, immediately sending putting every gold-digging female for miles around on her mettle. Things get even worse when it is discovred that the rich young man has an even richer friend, Mr. Darcy, staying with him.
There follows a selection of dances, dinners, and other before-television desperate attempts at entertainment. During this it comes out that Jane, Elizabeth's oldest sister, loves M. Bingly, he seems to love her and everyone thinks Mr. Darcy is an egotistic jerk. It helps that a charming solider recently stationed in the district, Mr. WIckham, knows Darcy and confirms that he is a jerk.
While all this is going down Elizabeth's cousin, who is heir to her father's property, comes to vist and asks her to marry him. Which apparently wasn't super creepy back then. For the good of modern readers she refuses and he marries her friend instead.
Then Mr. Bingly goes out for cigarettes and never comes back. Darcy goes away too. Moping ensues.
Elizabeth goes to visit the friend who married Mr. Collins. It turns out they live near Darcy's aunt. Coincidently he comes to visit while Elizabeth is there. It turns out Darcy has fallen in love with her because being rude and uninterested in rich self-centered men works every time. He even asks her to marry him. (Note to men: telling a woman you like her 'against your better judgement" almost never impresses them)
Yay, romance accomplished, book over. Right? Wrong. Elizabeth pretty much tells him she wouldn't have him if he were the last man on earth. Darcy in the 19th century version of pity-blogging writes a long 'I'm not the jerk, Wickham is" letter and gives it to Elizabeth right before he leaves. In this letter he also confesses that he's responsible for Bingly walking out, having used the old " dude, she doesn't really like you" method. Elizabeth feels bad and angry at length.
Next, Lydia, the slut, runs off the Wickham. This is a huge pre-tv diaster since it will be what all the nieghbors are talking about for months. Darcy helps track them down and bribes Wickham into marrying Lydia. Yay, reputations are saved. He also makes everyone promise not to tell Elizabeth that he helped.
Lydia tells Elizabeth that Darcy helped. She comes to the realization she isn't the big jerk she thought he was.
Darcy's Aunt hears a rumor that he proposed to Elizabeth, who she thinks is a gold digger. She visits Elizabeth to tell her off. Instead Elizabeth tells her off. The Aunt complains to Darcy that ELizabeth was mean to her. He thinks maybe Elizabeth didn't mean that 'last man on earth' thing after all and proposes again.
He also tells Bingly he was wrong about that Jane not liking him thing, Bingly proposes. Both girls accept, everyone is going to be married. Yay, story is over.
The zombie version is pretty much the same except with more swordfights and ninjas and zombies. So roughly 500% cooler.
While many have been made you're only likely to run into two.
You've probably never heard of anyone in this, except maybe Colin Firth if you've been forced to watch alot of chick flicks. There are no hot chicks. It's hours long. This is probably the verision your girlfriend wants to watch (or even owns). If you are particularly unlucky your girlfriend may own the whole BBC Jane Austin collection.
This has Keira Knightly in it. You know, the girl from Pirates of the Caribbean. It's not hours long so the plot makes zero sense, but since you weren't paying attention anyway that's not really an issue.
Rumors are going around that the zombie version is coming to the big screen if you can just hold out long enough...