Playmate of the Year

The hope and aim of blonde trailer trash everywhere. Playmate of the month is just a consolation prize.

Body paint and soft focus porn since 1953

Just The Facts

  1. Soft porn, obvious poses and objectified women. Ah - good times.
  2. Every girl in Playboy gives off the faint, but unmistakable, taint of plastic
  3. Hugh Heffner reallised early on - if you strip it, they will come.

A brief history of tittielation

Miss January, 1954.

Young women, average age 22, average statistics 35, 23, 35, average IQ unquantifiable, have been posing for playboy's centerfold since January 1953. Since Hugh Heffner's proud boast is "Once a playmate, always a playmate", there is now a Playmate for every age group.

Oh, Goody!!

So, do I have what it takes?

No. Probably not.

If you fit the criteria, you too could join Marilyn Monroe and Jane Mansfield as Playmates of the Month. No talent or tests required - just perky tits, long legs and minimal inhibitions, giving you the prize of $25,000 and most men on earth knowing what you look like with a staple in your navel.

  1. Do I have to be a woman? Yes.
  2. Do I have to be blonde? It helps. Nearly 50% of playmates are blonde
  3. Do I have to be over 18? Yes, definitely. Americans do get really stressed out over that shit. Must be the Puritan streak.
  4. Do I have to submit nude photos? Yes. We here at Cracked are happy to presceen your photos for suitability. Send them to the topic editor please.

Playmate of the Month. What now?

Still crazy, after all these years.

Once a year, Hugh Heffner checks over the Playmates of the Month. The legal department have put a block on us saying what the checking over entails, but you can probably make an educated guess. The most appealing Playmate, with the biggest postbag, becomes Playmate of the Year, showcased in the April edition.

Shown. Nice postbags.

The Playmate of the year wins $100,000, a new car, various other things, and the undying mortification of her mother. Not bad for putting up with a 80 year old man eying you up for a few hours.