Pirates of the Caribbean

Pirates of the Caribbean is the title of a trilogy centred around the flamboyant pirate Jack Sparrow and his cavalcade of equally vivacious miscreants.

The heathen god trinket is optional.

A bit like this. Just a little.

Just The Facts

  1. Pirates of the Caribbean is the title prefix for all three films in Disney's pirate saga.
  2. Captain Jack Sparrow is commonly considered among the most memorable characters of the 21st century
  3. The tales and characters keep pushing the boundaries of the word 'eccentric' as the trilogy goes on.
  4. Most regular phenomena seen by seafarers can be explained by supernatural events.
  5. Piracy is a thrilling career choice.
  6. Most curses can be ended by stabbing, slitting, beheading or impaling someone.

Curse of the Black Pearl

The first film in the series, introducing you, the viewer, to a cast brimming with talent. The prologue is something you won't remember 5 minutes after it has passed, I sure as hell didn't. There are also a flamboyant blacksmith, a stuck up governor's daughter and an array of sailors covered in grime, but those can be neglected for now. Cue Captain Jack Sparrow, the protagonist of the movie, as he magnificently sails into view on a dinghy. Then, following a string of captures, betrayals, deceptions and wobbly escapes, everyone mentioned above ends up on one ship or another, heading off to an island with cursed treasure on it. I've taken the liberty of paraphrasing, mind you, and the events I just skimmed over are mostly there to explain how such a motley bunch end up on a ship.

Hello, Sailor

After this, you follow Jack Sparrow and Will Turner as they follow Captain Barbossa to Isla De Muerta where Barbossa plans on using the governor's daughter to lift an ancient curse. That sums up about half the movie for you, and giving you any more could quite possibly ruin the movie for you.

Dead Man's Chest

Dead Man's Chest, the second movie in the trilogy, is known primarily as a flimsy link from the first movie to the last, introducing new characters, ships and places that won't really matter until the last movie.

The Dead Man's Chest revolves around Davy Jones, the captain of the Flying Dutchman. He's in charge of ferrying the souls of those who died at sea to 'the other side'. Another phrase that won't really matter until the next movie, so don't you worry your mind about it. He's tall, carries a sword and has a stunning hat. Oh, he also has an octopus for a head, a crab's leg for his own, a claw for one hand, and a strangely Freudian tentacle for the other arm. These interesting features, however, aren't reserved just for him. His entire crew is made up of the entire menu of a seafood restaurant strategically placed on humans. While absurd, it does deviate nicely from all those other pirates, with their swords and hats and guns.

Now that you know about the Flying Dutchman and its seafood platter, let's move along with the story, shall we? Will Turner's bonnie lass is, once again, in trouble. So, like any self-respecting blacksmith would do, he sails off to the oceans to track down Jack Sparrow to get his dysfunctional mariner's compass from him.

Meanwhile, our unstable protagonist is on the run from the Flying Sushi Bar, as Davy Jones has released the Kraken to track down and kill Jack Sparrow. The only way Sparrow can save himself is to stab the beating heart of Jones, which Jones has locked away on an island somewhere like a demented magpie.

Like this, but, you know, more.

Once you've figured all this out, it's another tale of betrayal, captures and escapes reminiscent of the first movie. But all this serves as nothing more than a rattling bridge carrying you over to the grand finale.

At World's End

Once you've crossed the precarious bridge known as Dead Man's Chest, your feet step onto a grimy rock in Singapore, where the last film really begins. I say 'really', because there is a prologue of sorts, showing the hanging of multiple pirates, all of which break out into song on the way to the gallows, in an attempt to raise the Brethren Court, a group of pirates lords who make piratey decisions, who have been conspicuously missing since the first film. You would think that something as significant as the Pirate Lords would be given a cameo earlier on in the narrative, but I digress.

The Brethren Court's new persona.

Back to the narrative. Our heroes(Jack excluded, because he was eaten by the Kraken at the end of Dead Man's Chest. You shouldn't be reading this if you haven't watched the movies yet, mind you) are in Singapore, trying to acquire a set of navigational charts leading to Davy Jones' Locker, where Sparrow is trapped. True to POTC fashion, a chain of multiple betrayals sets the story off, and some time later we find the heroes on a ship headed to the Locker.

At this point, there is an extremely abstract and somewhat amusing scene were the bemused Sparrow is aboard the Black Pearl in a giant desert. The long scene that follows has little to do with the overall narrative, but ends with Sparrow meeting up with his would-be rescuers, who have lost their ship on the way to the Locker. Sparrow takes them on board, they make it back to the world of the living, and then split off on their own paths to find, kill or rescue whatever it is they were after.

The rest of the narrative is best if you watch it yourself, so I'll leave this off with some key words in the story: Calypso, Brethren Court, crabs, ships, betrayal, battle, beating hearts, stabbing hearts, whirlpools and Keith Richards.

Ignore all other pirate requirements if you can pull this off.