This is what they have planned for us?
While the rest of the world goes about its regular business of being choked, poisoned slowly,
and drained of all its resources by the evil energy and oil companies, scientists have been busy trying
to save us all by developing a novel new way to power our small personal electronic devices.
Be they our annoyingly omniscient slave monitor and tracking systems better known as cell phones,
I-whatevers, various nefarious implants, or simply the innate desire to have led headlights, clothing fringes, and other personal lighting so perchance we may be the badassologist of relatively any given rave, party, or family get together, these devices require power.
We know that the power for these devices is supplied by a literal evil empire bent on our captivity and destruction, nevertheless, we just can't seem to live without them. This need threatens to further enthrall us all, so the apparent question we're faced with here is this:
How do we satisfy our obsessive need for personal Cyborgism without allowing this evil empire to gain yet more control of our lives?
Answer: a revolutionary new flexible biomechanical energy scavenging Piezoelectric Nanogenerator!
Upon hearing the name, one might be picturing a large but agile cybernetic louse that feeds
on the goat-like power of the Italian reproductive system.
If so, one might be in for a bit of a let down, because the actuality is something a little more like this;
This ingenious little device was developed by Georgia Tech researchers, who discovered that mechanical energy could be harvested by inserting tiny power generating nanowires into a flexible surface.
Simply put, the power is generated by the flexing of the material.
Although this ultra advanced technology is still only in its infancy, Dr. Zhong Lin (ZL) Wang has so far developed it from a barely present yet provably demonstrated piezoelectric effect on nanowires at nanoscale to a flexible generator that can produce enough power to run small devices while being driven by...
Yes, I said hamster.
That the device at present apparently works was proven when the brilliant Dr. Wang installed one of them
onto one of our cute little furry friends, put it on a wheel, and generated power.
At present, not much power is produced in this manner, but Dr. Wang seems certain that advances in materials and device efficiency will soon boost power production enough to make biomechanical power feasible. We can almost hear the greedy energy mongers salivate as they lie awake dreaming of row after row of enslaved hamster driven generators stretching off into infinity.
But let's not give them credit for being that easily satiated, there's surely more to this
than the simple desire to exploit hamster power. Turns out that there may just be.
Enter the 'Long Hamster'
We will soon be able to 'stick it to the man' by literally sticking it in ourselves.
As Dr. Wang and his hamster illuminated researchers devotedly look for a way to power all the little gadgets and doo-dads your little heart desires without involving the inevitably hamster enslaving energy mongers, bigger and better things are coming into the future based on their ideas.
One they are working on is a jacket sized man powered version, and they anticipate power producing clothes and undergarments to naturally develop further. They are also working on power producing implants, thus granting us humans the ability of giving 'shake that ass' a whole new electrifying meaning via power producing implants inserted into breasts, ass cheeks, knees, elbows- the possibilities are nearly endless.
The fashion and body consciousness in our present age of celebrity electronic sycophancy practically ensures enormous success.
Now I'm not certain if Dr. Wang or his fellows realize this or not, but he is talking about developing a potent
new source of power directly within smelling distance of the most evil industrial empire in all of known history. It seeks to keep ia firm grasp on our lives and pockets, then kill us, and you can bet they aren't going to allow anyone to stick anything to them anywhere they don't won't it stuck.
Whatever future we imagine for us, you can veritably rest assured their idea of it based on this new technology looks less like glorious-glowing-electric-cyborg-jellyfish monky-man-complete with power outputs, and something more like either a scene out of The Matrix, or this.
So get ready to climb your asses on that wheel Mr and Ms Hamster, you will soon be a human battery.
It is after all your destiny.
Consider that as you obliviously whiz down the highway, texting away.