Stockings

In olden days a glimpse of stocking, was looked on as something shocking, now heaven knows - it still is.

As far as we are concerned, the page ends here.

History in Hosiery

Woah - what's this history crap? This topic is just an excuse to get some tasteful, SFW cheescake onto your screen, to distract you from your mundane job, the bastards in IT that block all the porn sites, and your terribly lonely existance.

Consider this an opportunity for more pictures - just work with us here.

As can be seen here, in this screenshot from the critically and academically aclaimed documentary Flesh and Blood, medieval stockings were very basic, crude constructions, usually made from itchy wool, designed to keep the legs warm and nothing else. Those stone castles were colder than a witches tit, though saying that would get you nicely warmed up in short order, as you were burned for consorting with witches.

Apparently, women had no legs, circa 1700

After a thankfully brief 400 years where stockings became finer, and made of silk or cotton, we enter the civilised age of genteel pornography for the masses. The Moulin Rouge. The lights. The music. The excitement. The famous patrons.

The legs of the showgirls

Stockings were suddenly everywhere. A way to turn an innocent pair of legs into WMDs (Weapons of Mass Distraction). Everyone wanted to flash their gams. Rolled stockings became popular - and a huge turn off.

Boner kill in 3, 2, Grandma!!

Stockings were now in. The sheerer, the better. So vital were they considered, that British women faked them during the war by covering their legs with gravy browning and drawing seams up the back of their legs with the wartime equivalent of eyebrow pencils - a burnt match. Sure, they smelled of beef fat and sulphur, a huge improvement for most English girls, but at least their legs looked good! Any canny American GI, who had the smarts to pack a few pairs of nylons in his kit bag, was literally rolling in poon.

Same old Yanks: "overpaid, overfed, oversexed and over here."


Then, suddenly, almost overnight, they disappeared. Professional women wore pantsuits. Hippie girls wore leg hair and dirt. And the rise of the pantyhose - that demonic invention second only to bra hooks in it's ability to frustrate - seemed to be the final nail in the coffin. There was only one bold standout against sweeping stockings the way of the bustle and hoop skirts.

Porn.

The porn "save our smoking" campaign is now active.

The porn scene exploded in the 70's with the rise of cheap camera equipment. Much like the internet and game consoles now, film was the domain of the 20 something guys. The ones born in the 50's, when stockings and heels were everyday wear for women of all classes and backgrounds. The ones who had a serious fetish for re-enacting their first ever peek up a woman's skirt.

And serious Mommy issues, in some cases.

Another weapon in the arsenal

Women will tell you they wear stockings for the health benefits.

Well, she certainly looks healthy.

This is complete and utter cobblers. Women wear stockings for two reasons, and two reasons only. To feel wicked and sexy or to get laid fast.

How can you tell the difference? With the traditional stockings and suspender belt, it is pretty easy.

Underwear unremovable - feeling sexy

Knickers over the suspenders - ready for action

But to be honest - who cares. Just enjoy the view and stop complaining.

Christmas Stockings.

Ah, no topic on stockings would be complete without mentioning Christmas Stockings. The bright, rosy cheeked cherubs hanging their stockings carefully on Christmas Eve, to be filled by a very tired Mom while Dad deals with the "some assembly required" toys at midnight. Their joyful screams of delight Christmas morning ....

OH My God. Her eyes are eating my soul ...