Human Test

Welcome to the 'Are-You-Human?' test, AKA the 'Do-You-Have-A-Soul' test (because even nonhumans will get some of these).

Guess what? None of these are human qualities. NICE TRY.

When you see it you will afhasdjl dnsg,jfmnkjfdkghfeghnreqoghnreng hvvvvvvvvvv

I was going to write a funny comment, but that smile makes both sarcasm and cynicism completely impossible.

Just The Facts

  1. Aliens could be among us.
  2. I'm pretty sure there's a zombie chewing on my leg, so there's that to test for.
  3. If you get the last question wrong THE INTERNET WILL EXPLODE.

The Test:

The Are You Human Test:

Please take this lovely test to see if you are certified enough to keep your Human License.

I think:

Hard Gay (the Japanese comedian - If unknown YouTube it before completion) is:

A) Hilarious, B) boring/stupid


Puppies/kittens/cute animals/if all else fails then little KNIVES are to be:

A) petted/adored, B) kicked/cast aside


Cookies are:

A) Delicious (if properly prepared), B) disgusting

(you get a bye if you are somehow allergic/etc. to cookies)


Carrot Top is:

A) definitely/probably not human, B) Human, just like me.


Music is:

A) (even if it's just one song) Enjoyable in some fashion, B) not enjoyable

(medical disabilities can get you a bye if desired)


Art is:

A) enjoyable in some fashion, even if it's only one piece, B) in no way enjoyable

(same for music)


Hot chocolate is:

A) awesome, B) not awesome

(you get a bye if you have been recently burned on hot chocolate, have some medical condition that prevents you from enjoying it, or are one of those people who doesn't like chocolate. FYI - you're still suspect.)


I am:

A) breathing, B) not breathing


If you say Candlejack, you w

A) I said Candlejack and I B) I said Candlejack and I'm fine.


Sharks are:

A) scary, B) not scary

(you get a bye if you're one of those freaks who thinks they're awesome. You're as suspect as the chocolate-haters.)


Spiders/arachnids are:

A) scary, B) not scary

(same as shark question)


Centipedes/Millipedes are:

A) scary, B) not scary

(you do not get a bye. There is no effing reason for you to get one.)


Gejigeji (look up if unknown prior to completion) are:

A) SCARY with a capital goddamn SCARE, B) I don't care if you're an alien, Yeti, OR SATAN HIMSELF - they're still scary. It's like God heard me think about how much I am creeped out by spiders, and scared of centi/millipedes, and said "Hey, I have an idea!" *sob* the only thing holding my sanity together is knowing that they are not prevalent to the US. If you try to correct me on this in the comments I will hunt you down and knife you in your sleep. Let me maintain my tremulous hold on sanity.


Slender Man (as before, look up before completion if unknown) is:

A) a mix of awesome and TERROR, B) a good friend.


The Joker makes me feel:

A) anywhere between a little insecure and TERRIFIED OUT OF MY MIND, B) amused.


If I got into a fight with Batman, I would:

A) not get into a fight with Batman because I WANT TO LIVE/surrender immediately, B) kill him and not worry about the repercussions.

(FWI if you answered B I should let you know right now that 1) you wouldn't be able to and 2) he's destroyed better than you. Give it up.)


Spam is:

A) Inedible unless you're on a powerless cruise ship (still not convinced that cannibalism was not enacted), B) delicious and nutritious

(you get a bye if you did not realize that for some reason people think you're supposed to eat Spam, rather than, say, applying it to your underarms)


If you saw a turtle on its back, you would:

A) probably turn it over, if it wasn't out of my way and I have a stick or something so I didn't really have to touch it, B) wait and see what the other animals do to it/any other way of saying you didn't turn it over


The Protomen (the usual procedure) are:

A) AWESOME wrapped in a tasty tortilla of EPIC to make a burrito of OMGMYBRAINCAN'TCOMPREHEND, B) boring


WALL-E was:

A) Adorable and Epic's freaking awesome lovechild, B) boring and/or inane


Tack from the Thief and the Cobbler (do I even have to tell you the procedure?) was:

A) adorable, b) a wuss


Jackie Chan is:

A) awesome and hilarious, B) anything that is not A.


Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) is:

A) Incredible, B) no…n…not…n…I can't say it.


If you answered 'B' to ANY of these, please proceed to the nearest termination booth, Alien Inhuman Zombie Werechihuahua Robot. Thank you and have a nice day!