5 Ways The English Language Has Gone To Hell

For many years now, the downfall of the English language has become very evident. If you pay attention to the way in which nearly everyone under the age of 30 speaks, you'll notice that half of what they say is not correct in any perceivable way.


Seriously, you should probably considering dying.

Just The Facts

  1. While the entire point of language is simply to communicate a message, there are certain rules we have agreed upon. Many of these rules are acceptable to change, but some simply are not. Plain and simple.
  2. Those who disobey these aforementioned rules should be sentenced to one week in a prison cell with Quentin Tarantino and Queen Latifah as they have a discussion about the rising price of gas.
  3. Seeing as the internet can now literally correct you on your spelling and grammar without you having to put in any effort at all EVER, there is no reason except ignorance to write like a child conceived and born in Arkansas.

5. "Text Talk"

This one should not come as a surprise to anyone. You know as well as I do that "texting" is one of the most widely-used forms of communication today, and its popularity only continues to rise. Most of us use it in our day-to-day life, and while this is fine, it should be known by everyone that as convenient as it may be, it is not an adequate way to carry out a conversation with someone. Over 90% of what you communicate is lost with body language, tone of voice, facial (haha... facial) expressions, and so on. As much as people would like to think otherwise, simple "emoticons" made from combining some punctuation point and a capitalized letter cannot accurately express such complex gestures.

Okay, I get it... the first one is... happy? Terrified, but frozen in fear? Sexually confused and trying to tell his family? Uh...

Okay, I get it... the first one is... happy? Terrified, but frozen in fear? Sexually confused and trying to tell his family? Uh...

This entire form of communication has actually created an entirely new language. The problem with this is that people are trying to combine both the English we've been speaking all of our lives, and this new language, in which vowels are apparently unnecessary. We're all familiar with most of the more common acronyms used online and through cell phones - LOL being 'laugh out loud', BRB being 'be right back', and GTG or G2G being 'got to go' (a phrase which is already incorrect to begin with) - and those are acceptable, to a certain extent. Then the boundaries began to be pushed. Things like 'BFF' turned into 'BFFAEAEAEAE' (and so on), and a whole slew of new acronyms that redefined laziness floated to the mainstream surface. But okay, I can live with that.

I will not judge, I will not judge, I will not judge...

And then, something happened. Something that was formerly unheard of. People didn't just write these things, they began saying them. When someone walks out of the room, they occasionally will say 'brb'. Instead of laughing, they say 'lol'. When they have to depart from a certain location, they 'say gtg'. And thus, the deterioration of the English language began.

But we still had oh so far to fall...

4. People Really Don't Give a Shit

Once again, this is unsurprising, but worth nothing. The sad fact of the matter is that people really don't give a shit about language anymore. With things like the internet around, they see no reason to speak well, and really, this is understandable. On the internet, grammar and spelling both seem to be irrelevant, so long as the proper message is conveyed. Again, I really don't have a problem with this in itself. However, from it, two issues arise:

1. As with the text talk, people don't seem to draw the line between English and their own made up language.

2. When people grow too accustomed to their online way of speaking, they actually forget how to speak properly. They've actually managed to teach themselves a new language. It'd be like only reading and speaking in German for three years and then trying to go back to English. Something is always lost in translation.

The thing is, both of these problems are easily avoidable. However, next to no one cares.

This is, admittedly, more of a problem with the youth than anyone else. I know from first-hand experience that teenagers are the masters of totally not giving a fuck. Believe it or not, in many cases, proper spelling and grammar, as well as generally intelligent language, are looked down upon in that society. Even those who actually comprehend it generally don't want to be the odd man out, and so they conform to the moronic language that surrounds them.

The worst part about all of this is that the parents of these kids quickly pick up their bad habits, and all of a sudden, everyone is speaking this way.

But of course, like most bad things, it only gets worse.

3. The False Word 'Legit', and All Others Like It

Maybe this one is more of a personal hatred than anything else, but in a way, this entire article is. One my biggest pet peeves is when people use the made-up word 'legit' (I'd also like to point out that my automatic spell check did not underline the word in red, further adding to my frustration - I also checked on Microsoft Word, and that paperclip fucker didn't pick up on it either).


I hear this one all the motherfucking time and it gets more and more annoying per use. This is, of course, a short form of the word "legitimate" or "legitimately". What makes this particularly nonsensical, however, is the fact that even as a short form, it is almost never used correctly. "Would you like to legit walk...", "Let's legit go...", and "Can you legit email me...." are just some of the uses I've heard in the past month alone. None of these could be considered anything even close to a proper sentence. They don't even begin to make sense. Think about it. All of the times 'legit' is used in those sentences, it is supposed to mean the same thing as 'legitimately'. That's what a short form is for, right? Well, think about it. "Can you legitimately email me?" Can they actually illegitimately email you? Or can you actually illegitimately walk? Or illegitimately go somewhere? If in these sentences, the full word had been used, people would've caught on to how stupid they sound, and they would have rephrased it all. However, if you have to take off a couple letters from one word to make what you think is a properly-constructed sentence, you're doing it wrong.

A lot of short forms in general don't actually make any sense to me, that one is just the most irritating. But when you really think about it, words such as "caf" (cafeteria) and "pro" (professional) are really unnecessary. How much extra time does it say to pronounce the ends of those words? Now sure, typing it is one thing, but I actually hear people saying these more than I read them. I guess it all goes back to the text and internet talk once again. In any case, something must be done, because if I hear 'legit' again, I'm going to legitimately tear someone limb for limb.

I guess I can't give you a visual warning. But trust my words.

2. The Hipster Movement

More than anything, this deals with the entire hipster society of today, and their brutal rape of the language. The word "hipster" can be interpreted in many different ways. Think back to the old high school cliques, or at least Hollywood's portrayal of them. You've got nerds, jocks, Goths, and so on and so forth. Nowadays, we have things such as preps, outcasts, potheads, douchebags, as well as some of the older cliques. And then there are the hipsters. Now, a hipster isn't just someone who sits outside of the mainstream culture. That may be the dictionary definition, but that isn't the way most people view hipsters. In fact, it's almost the opposite. When I think of a hipster, I think of those people who think they're rebellious and original by doing something that was once viewed as abnormal, but being abnormal has now become... somewhat normal. It's an interesting paradox. Anyway, these hipsters are often very pretentious and egotistic, but above all, they're just a nuisance. The subcategories of the hipster crowd include 'scene kids' and 'emos' (while emo may be a short form for emotional, that's not what it is - it is a fashion statement and an incredibly attention-starved attitude).

Scene above: Correct.

These hipsters are infamous for taking text talk about 20 notches too high. Unfortunately, like all things, the trademarks of certain cliques never just stay there. They become a trend and spread about among the population. This not only helped to fuel the annoying spoken acronyms, but they also managed to make the letter 'Z' a symbol of darkness. I don't mean to stereotype, but a lot of members of this group add this letter to the end of every fucking word in a sentence (example: lolz thatz partyz wasz greatz, iz waz soz drunkz hahahahaz).

I'd also like to point out that this trend is absolutely immense, with hipsters accounting for at least 33% percent of the teenage population.

However, all of these things that I've listed can all go back to one primary cause...

1. General Stupidity

This is very broad, of course, but it's the truest and largest reason that English is no longer what it should be. People are just stupid, it's as simple as that. It's the reason that all of these other four reasons came to be, and it's the reason the world is as fucked as it is. But you already knew that. The reason I had to save this for number one is because it is literally the only explanation I can come up with for why people cannot seem to grasp simple, basic English.

Let me give you an example. About 95% of the people I hear speaking today don't seem to understand that "I seen" makes no sense. Sure, "I have seen" is perfectly fine. What they should be saying is "I saw". It's not only correct, but it's actually appealing to the ear. Much more so than "seen".

Or the fact that no one knows the difference between "your" and "you're". "Your" is possessive, as you'll learn in grade fucking one. "You're" is very simply the combination of 'you' and 'are', using a simple concept known as the contraction.

Really, people should just start from scratch. Learn it all over again. Go back to daycare, learn the alphabet, simple rules, the names of colours and such...

These are letters. They are red.

Despite my exaggerations and sarcastic nature, I've been forced to learn to live with these pet peeves of mine, and it's gotten to a point where I'm quite numb to it (except legit - legit can die). These are simply some reasons why I have to be.