Battle: Los Angeles

Battle: Los Angeles is a March, 2011 film which features US Marines in Los Angeles fighting off a Alien invasion demonstrating that the world once again loves seeing LA being blown up and killing aliens.

I for one, welcome our new alien overlords...

For those prefering a more natural horrific apocalypse may I suggest....

Just The Facts

  1. The whole world LOVES to see LA blown to peices
  2. Kicking alien ass is only second to blowing away Nazi Zombies
  3. America is the only nation which is capable of saving the world from a alien invasion
  4. This movie may just be the longest US Marine Corp commericial in history
  5. Cinematic event just for the possiblity Michelle Rodriguez doesn't wear a tank top during the movie
  6. The guys who did the special effects for this movie did Skyline....there are some similarities
  7. Battle: Los Angeles looks MUCH BETTER than Skyline.
  8. Let's kick some alien ass

LA....just so fun to destroy

Los Angeles is a city in which America, nay, the World seems to love to see fall prey to some sort of horrible, horrible disaster. Whether it be tornados, killer robots, nuclear holocaust, zombies, earthquakes, alien invasion, or even volcanos the world just wants to see LA burn and its citizens run screaming in horror. If humanity were a little kid, Los Angeles is definently the ant hill it likes to kick.

The world <3 LA!

The reason we see LA so frequently destoryed is probably because the producers, directors and script writers are too lazy to go with a different city (Other than also frequently destroyed New York City). Seriously when was the last time we saw Chicago crushed under the foot of some monster or struck by a asteroid? Face it Chicago you'll always be third down the line. Whatever it is, the people of the world love to see LA go the way of Sodom and shell out the cash to see it go down in new ways.

Why? Maybe its hatred of the superficial culture? Maybe its venom directed towards Hollywood liberals? Maybe its just some good healthy hatred of the Lakers. Whatever it is people are paying money for the vague hope that Paris Hilton is being incenerated by a alien death beam, that Sean Penn is falling and screaming into a chasm in the Earth or Kobe is having his legs nawed on by the living dead.

Luckily Hollywood is more willing to reward the dark urges of the masses than a Roman emperor and has become a virtual mass production line of LA destruction.

Aliens...just so much fun to Kill!

In the grand hierarchy of cinematic enemies, alien invaders sit pretty much near the top. This comes mostly for two reasons: The lack of guilt that comes from killing them and the satisfaction that come from killing them.

Lack of Guilt: For those of us who aren't complete psychopaths killing something or someone can usually come with some sort of guilt. Killing an enemy soldier. There's a good chance of guilt there. They guy who just got killed has a good chance of being a person stuck in a shitty situation. Zombies, are easier to kill cause they're already dead but hey they used to be normal people and taking down a zombified family member or friend is no fun, unless you actually hate that person, then its tons of fun. Nazis: pretty guilt free here the only problem is that this inhuman bastards have human faces but other than that...fuck Nazis.

But Alien Invaders. Those bastards not only don't look human, they don't think human, they don't act human, there here to just fuck up the planet and I'm pretty sure they're anti-semetic. Screw those guys. It's why no one questioned the fact that in Independence Day Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum whiped out the whole damn species at the end of the movie. Those ugly no mouth bastards had it comin. Hey if E.T. was here to take Elliot's brain I don't think anyone would have a problem putting one between the eyes of that strechy necked gremlin.


Needless to say we as a species and a movie loving one at that, have no tolerance or mercy for alien invaders.

Which brings me to the second point

Statisfaction we get from Kiling them:

There is something just wrong about watching the big guy knock around the little guy. However, seeing the underdog take down the big guy makes everyone (except the poor bastard on the ground) feel great. Its deeply embedded in out culture. David didn't get into the Bible cause Goliath was the best looking ancient warrior, he got in cause Goliath was a huge and mean bastard. It's almost always in the nature of the alien invaders to show up armed to the teeth or tenticles with death rays and force fields. These bastards roll into our planet and start taking down major cities like a beachside bully takes down a sandcastle. When humanity hits them with nuclear weapons, they telepathically laugh and kick more burning wreckage and skulls in our eyes. Needless to say when we take these assholes down a notch it feels pretty damn good. It feels so good, that games like Halo have made billions of dollars. It so awesome that when Will Smith punches that alien, people cheer and wish they could be that badass.

Welcome to Earth you punk ass alien bitch!

Yea, taking down these guys is pretty damn awesome. But not all alien invaders are created equal.

Sometimes the aliens make some pretty bad decesions like invading a planet that is covered in a liquid which is like ACID to them completely in the NUDE with NO WEAPONS. Beating these aliens is like beating a mentally handicapped kid. No one comes out of that looking good....

But no one would make a movie with a alien invasion like that though right?

You know, startin to think invading this place was a mistake...

The only enemy better than alien invader, is of course the Nazi Zombie. Seriously tons of fun to kill and NO GUILT.

LA being blown up by Aliens! Perfect!

I don't think I have to tell you we have been here before.

Anyone who can remember the 90s or has a DVD will remember that piece of German directed American badassery which was Independence day. While it did not stay exclusively in LA, a decent part of the movie featured Los Angeles being reduced to a flaming pile of rubble. A good part of the movie also featured humanity getting its ass kicked across the planet by these mouthless bastards. Fortunately for humanity the IT guy for the alien civilization really sucked and with a hijacked alien fighter and a Macbook Jeff Goldblum took down a entire space faring civilzation.

Best Norton Commercial EVER

Needless to say Independence Day stands as one of the most awesome alien invasion movies in long memory.

Now in 2011, a new alien species gets a crack at humanity and of course Hollywood is going right for the meat of what people want and having this new batch of genocidal interplanetary bastards burning SouthLand to the ground.

From what can be seen from the trailers apparently LA is the last place where humanity has quite caved to the onslaught from the alien attack. Whereas the rest of the world is already lining up at the anal probing stations, America is left again to beat back the invasion single handedly once again proving that it is the only country that loves Freedom enough to repeatedly save the planet from alien invasion. Leading the valiant charge against our would be opressors is the US Marine Corps, who aren't quite space marines but really the only difference between the two is one still uses helicopters instead of space ships.

See the aliens in Battle: LA have broke from tradition and instead of employing huge deathray equipped spaceships or creepy tripods to render our asses extinct, these aliens like to get a bit dirty with actual troops on the ground with their evil ships acting more in a support role. So for those who thought Black Hawk Down was great but needed more aliens this is the movie for you. There is a slight difference in that some how the aliens have figured out how to rainf fiery death on humanity or at least Santa Monica beach.

Of course, like I said earlier, this would be no good alien invasion movie unless humanity was severly outclassed and getting its ass thourghly kicked. Good news! From the trailer it looks like we are totally getting the shit kicked out of us! Yep I'd say were losing this one.....for now.

Also good news in the LA destruction department. The place has rarely looked so trashed.

So who which B or possibly A- list actor is trying to help prevent ET from permently redevloping Santa Monica? It's none other than Mr. Thank You for Smoking himself Aaron Eckhart who plays a still unknown Marine sargeant leading his brave (but most likley shortlived) troops against this threat. I'd like to say I feel better seeing Mr. Ekhart on this picture as he has been pretty good about his movie selection over the course of the last couple years. Course, his movie selection hasn't necessarily been perfect.

We all get one...

But hey, he's got enough credibility and recognition for me to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one and put it in as a plus for this movie.

Lead on Sarge.

The other star leading the resistance against extra-terristerials is one which who is quite familar wtih fighting sci-fi threats. Yes it is Ms. "So tough you wonder if she may or not have been a man previously" Michelle Rodriguez. Now, Ms. Rodriguez is playing a Air Force staff sargeant, and for those of you questioning that based on the picture the Air Force does infact have invidividuals who work like normal grunts on the ground. Course Rodriguez may break against type and play a tough female warrior who is fighting her enemy and against a male dominated world, but hey lets not get crazy here. Either way its not too surprising to see her in this kinda film, its kinda her M.O. It really doesn't speak too much of how the movie is going to be. Hell, it looks like she's gonna have to spend the whole movie in battle dress which means she might not break out the tank top which in of itself would be a cinematic landmark.

Possible Film History

Any ways to recap,

Aliens invade, marines are our last hope, LA gets shit wrecked.

The trailer was moody with some electronic voiced somber music playing as scenes of our impending doom and fight against it played out. This movie is probably get those clamouring for a Halo movie in near riot mode if this is anywhere near a success.... hell even if it sucks

Wait wasn't there another LA Alien invasion movie that just came out?

Yea there was....I'll get to that tommorrow.