The Church Ends Poverty And Inadvertently Starts A War

If you can't seize the power of God through humility, try taking over the world in your spare time. The Church has been doing it for centuries.

You Are The One.

THE KGB

Offerings and the Church have gotten out of control. The "Law of the Tithe" was an economic development for the church platform where all members pay 10% of their earnings to the church. Apparently, this isn't enough. Since the "Church" has divided into so many different pieces, there is little economic flow. Think about it logically. Let's do some math.

There are 300,000 churches in America (give or take) with an average of 30 members whom average around $40,000 yearly.

Churches 300,000

Members 129,000,000

Salaries 5,160,000,000,000 (40,000)

Tithes 516,000,000,000

Based on this hypothesis, tithe payouts account for roughly $516 billion yearly, which averages $1,720,000 per church if divided evenly. The problem with this scenario is the same in any society. There are five levels of medians: 28%, 27%, 18%, 11%, and 16%. More than 55% of the entire tithe ranks right at and below the average mean of $40,000 or $4,000 in tithes. Most churches barely survive. Eighteen percent of all churches fund themselves well enough to support other causes while the remaining 27% make most of the money and decisions in the Church. Since the Church is not governed by a democratic republic, I do not condemn them for imbalance.

Our entire country could wipe out a lifetime of debts, restructure the economic plane, and bring organization, jobs, and affordable necessities to every patriot on the church's salary. However, as for the Church, when dividing this extraordinary amount of money, each church averages around $120,000 yearly. $120,000 is the local payout to churches, on average, every year. After managing church expenses, there's no money left for outreaches or expansions. This also poses one of the problems with the Church: there are way too many of them. Suddenly, everyone wants a job at the church. There's really only one plausible reason for this: money. Now that people can unite their religion with a salary, seminaries are filling up. It's not that more people believe in God; it's just that people are being paid to believe a little bit louder than most. The next and biggest problem with the Church is that while it is organized, it is not governed. If the Church had a governing body by which united all churches in America, then the body would be able to make better use of the amount of tithes paid. Founded churches can expand rather than opening up another center down the block. All pastors could be put on salaries as well as administrative and technical teams. The church could create its own technical divisions that operate as a contracting firm for the Church organization. This way, a single body of technical people can be paid as a group and sent out as needed rather than paying individuals for time spent at church (work) not working but being paid. This would drastically lower expenses.

And, lastly, the Church could offer to wipe out America's deficit thereby taking sole ownership over the debt of the nation, which would subjugate authority and bend the government to the will of the Church. In the end, the Church would be the richest, most powerful nation on Earth that rose from the ashes of the former richest, most powerful nation on Earth.


Goddamn, if it didn't take all 15 rounds, but we finally did it.



Once the Church had conquered America:

States would be eradicated with all former 48 continental states divided into twelve tribes. Alaska would be offered to Canada as a gift once finished tunneling out all the oil (and guess what, the caribou lived through it-image that!). Hawaii would be sold to Japan as a life-sized portrait of their greatest sneak attack. All other remaining US territory would be a sort of half-way house for sinners that are kicked out of America. The countries would be united and called Purgatory, each followed by cute, little catch phrase like Purgatory: The Last Stop or Purgatory: Don't Look Down.

The flag would revert back to the original American flag of the 13 colonies. The twelve white stars exemplify the 12-newly reformed tribes of the Kingdom of God and Brothers, or simply, the KGB. White represents the purity of God and of the Church-or the Gate as it is now named with 1,000,000 different destinations. Blue represents the sky, which is a representation of outer-verse we call the universe that is the most extraordinary creation and gift ever given. Red represents the blood of Christ and the martyrs-and all the other people that died for and against the Red, White, and Blue.

The national bird becomes the dove. The national tree is oak. The national anthem is changed to Amazing Grace, and two more verses are adapted. All national holidays are abolished except for Easter without the bunnies and eggs; Thanksgiving, Hanukkah to honor their Hebrew counterparts, and Christmas that is held at the end of September, which is a much closer approximation of Christ's birth month; all the splendors of Christmas are upheld, even the pagan attribution of tree worship; exceptions: mistletoes, presents, and alcohol are banned. Also, as part of the Gate's outreach program, during the holidays, all Gate members are offered free therapy for coping or assisted suicides 30 days before or after the upcoming holiday. Holiday suicide rates decrease because of therapy and the lapse in treatment option availabilities.

Now, with the USA-owned KGB, the Gate is receiving full benefits for governance. Not only is the church receiving a newly estimated $120 trillion in tithes every year, they now own the 20% federal tax. So, let's do some more math.

USA Pre-KGB

People 300,000,000

Taxed People 175,000,000

Average Salaries 7,000,000,000,000 (40,000)

Average Tax 1,400,000,000,000

Average Tithes 120,000,000,000 (30m)

USA Post-KGB

People 250,000,000

Taxed People 150,000,000

Average Salaries 11,250,000,000,000 (75,000)

Average Tax 2,250,000,000,000

Average Tithes 225,000,000,000 (30m)

With 50 million less unproductive members of society, the unemployment rate reaches zero and the organization is disbanded. More jobs are developed for these people. Since there are less workers in the new organization and more constructive income, salaries almost double. With 50 million less workers, the KGB nearly doubles its yearly tax pay-in. In addition to taxes, the Gate produces roughly $225 trillion yearly. With such financial success, Wall Street is dismantled and stocks dismissed. The KGB becomes an autonomous entity from the rest of the world. Without the buyouts from the USA Pre-KGB, every country except Russia and China begin to fall apart. Once more, the Gate reaches out to the world and offers a helping hand to buy off every country's debts and induct them into the socialistic, authoritarian KGB. The U.N. is dismantled. All cross-continental organizations are traded for KGB-established systems of authority and wealth. The shift of power unites into a global community under the leadership of the United States of America and the Kingdom of God and Brothers... under the leadership of a global leader: an attractive, intelligent, vigil, humble, and religious man whom will lead the world to peace and the end of all wars, ergo the Antichrist.

(Pictures and references to come... otherwise, enjoy the content.)