Omarion

Every genre of music has a few "thatguywho's" typically referring to someone who would be completely forgettable if it wasn't for that one thing they do. And in the world of R&B, there are artists and then there's Omarion.

I'm well aware that Bow Wow is also in this picture but for some reason I feel that it only validates my point further.

Just The Facts

  1. Omarion rocketed to fame in the Boooyyyeee!!! band "B2K" who's name remarkably sounded just as dated back when the group started in 2001.
  2. B4 B2K Omarion got his foot in the door by claiming to be the brother of Marques Houston who most of you know as "that guy who you don't know." That is, unless you went to the movies in January 2004 when...
  3. Omarion and Marques Houston crossed swords on the silver screen in the Epic dance film "You Watched Shit"
  4. In 2004 B2K's steelo was peeped for the last time as the band threw in the Sean Jean signature handkerchief and called the quits

The Legend Of Omarion Part 1: The Highs

Born in Inglewood California Omarion...? Uh...? Fuck it, fast forward to 2007. Since going solo, Omarion has reach increased marginal success.

Now in the vast collection of thatguywhos, Omarion is a special one because unlike most thatguywhos he is not known for who he is, but for who he isn't. Let this sample conversation shared between me and a cherished friend of mine not even a week ago clear things up for you:

Me: Dude did you see Omarion's new video?

Cherished Friend: Who?

Me: Come on dude, Omarion.

Cherished Friend: You mean that guy who dances that's not Usher?

Me: Precisely.

Cherished Friend: Naw, I haven't seen it.

Me: Don't it's shit.

Cherished Friend: Duly noted. So do you wanna hump now?

Me: Of course I do cherished friend, who's a chick, that's also known as every hot chick in the world. Boosh.

Cherished Friend: Indeed.

Now that you guys are up to code on Omarion's dark origins and now his solo career, I'm sure you're all wondering if Omarion's dancing could really carry two whole albums? All I have to say is if you have to ask, then you haven't seen this FUBU-wearing pygmy bust a fresh one.

Not this pygmy.

Now for those of you not familiar with this type of dancing rest assured that what you've just witnessed was in fact fucking awesome.

The Legend Of Omarion Part 2: The Slump

Issues soon began to rise once people realized that Omarion is technically supposed to sing too. This has led to Omarion being mocked and ridiculed by fellow hobbit Katt Williams, being referred to as thatguywho has braids and sings that's not Trey Songz (the fact that most of you don't know who he is should clarify the insult) , and last but not least Omarion has officially been banned indefinitely from the R&B drinking games my friends and I have taken on as a pastime. That's right, timeless classics like "Drink every time Usher calls a girl shawtay!" or "Drink every time Chris Brown does exactly what Usher just did!" and of course the ever popular "Drink every time Justin Timberlake makes an all around better R&B album without established cliche's and owns the world for two years!"

Pictured Above: Quality Black Music

The beauty of these prestigious events is that the focus of each happen on a near constant basis with key word there being "near." But when dear Ol' Omarion is brought up with the intent obviously to drink for every dance move he does well, just look.

As you can see, literally the second he steps outside he starts dancing. If you look closely Omarion's friends are actually pretty pissed off by this. There's even a point at 1min on the dot right after Omarion flutters down the stairs and once again begins dancing his backup dancer is literally screaming "What are you doing!" unfortunately the music drowns him out but you can clearly see him mouth it. But from then on he's always dancing even when he's not the camera will cut to canned footage of him dancing at a later time after about 5 seconds. I dare anyone of you to play the Omarion drinking game and make it through that video with a still functional liver.

I'm sure some of you would like to know why I haven't touched on Omarion's songs. I could make a joke right about now but you've probably already heard it.

Moving on.

Omarion; apparently feeling like going solo is so 2006, decided that a collaborative release was just what he needed to stay-

Fresh???

Yes through magic of the fusion technique Bowmarion; or Omariwow as he's called by the natives, released a knockout CD of mediocre jam after mediocre jam. But what could you expect with stellar production from well knowns like The Neptunes- Wait, they're actually really good. Okay well that's only one song lets see-Oh here we go, check this, they have The-Dream and T-Pain producing this next song, two people who have collectively sold enough rigntones to build a small nation... Okay what's the deal here? There is actually great production on this album why is it so shitty?

Oh yeah...

Dude, I'm so gangsta right now!

I know right! And I'm all like, like singin' and stuff... Yeah.

The Legend Of Omarion Part 3: The Final Chapter

The year is 2009 and people had long since forgotten about Omarion and everything he represented which honestly wasn't much. Suddenly, Omarion emerged once again as glorious as ever in random concerts around the country. Brilliant. A guerrilla promo tour was the tactic, and how it worked, and how. People from all around flocked to see where he had been for that year and a half (trust me it felt like ages) no doubt thinking that perhaps maybe he'd finally taken time to mature as a vocalist and no longer rely on his-

He didn't even bring a fucking mic...

So once everyone tired of looking at his new haircut, Omarion was once again forgotten and being forgotten twice is something people rarely come back from. Shit, at this point in the music industry, Omarion would a need miracle worker or like the number one artist in the industry right now to sign him.

Oh for fuck's sake.

Yes, the fireman himself, Lil' Wayne, also known as thatguywho has at least one song that each of us hates because secretly we hate ourselves for loving said song so much, reportedly signed Omarion to his Young Money Entertainment label in July of 2009. Funny thing though, I'm a stickler for quality pictures, but for some reason I can't find a better looking photo of these two together. I looked for a good twenty minutes and came up with nothing. It's weird. Or at least it would be weird if it wasn't for the fact that less than a month later it was announced that Omarion was dropped from Young Money. Can you say "Fail!" children? Well don't, because it's stupid.

Just look at all the sexy, sexy shame.

A few days later Omarion tweeted that the split was a 'business decision" that he made to better his career and that he and Young Money have nothing but love for each other. To prove this mutual (and very hetero) affection Omarion recorded what was to be the first single for the then upcoming Young Money compilation album called, "The Way She Walks" Go ahead and take a listen.

Now all jokes aside this is actually a pretty decent single that would no doubt help Omarion's career a bunch while adding yet another hit to Lil' Wayne's already stellar list.

Three months later the real song was released called "Bedrock" it has the same, beat, pretty much the same rap lyrics, but sports brand spankin' new Omarionless vocals.

Gotcha!!!

As the time arrives for me leave you guys to embark on more promising adventures with my many, many, cherished friends, feel free to enjoy Young Money's top ten of Billboard charting collaborative middle finger to thatguywho cut his braids off who's not Ludacris.