The Immediate Future Of Nintendo (as Explained By An Insanely Bored College Student)

Nintendo used to ruled the video game world, now they're reduced to making shitty neutered incarnations of what used to be entertainment

How it all started.....


Just The Facts

  1. Nintendo is a video game company famous for top franchises such as Mario, Zelda and
  2. They refuse to make "mature" games (AKA games worth playing)
  3. This is why i'm buying a PS3 and burning my Wii in the pits of hell, where it belongs (or a retirement home)

I'm bored as shit... let's play some games!

With the release of the new Call of duty game (which I swear I'm buying a ps3 just so I can play it, no the wii does not count) I started thinking, when can I play modern warfare 3???? And yes, I am aware of the fact that infinity ward separated from activision, but there is hope isn't it? as long as people want to play something companies will make it cause it means money, and money is just what it's all about....

It runs the world

Now, let's talk about modern warfare for a bit shall we? See here's the thing, the other day, while randomly surfing the web I found this one article that talked about how, shortly after the whole infinity ward thing, activision mentioned that mw3 was already being produced. So I started thinking (having nothing better to do, my friends weren't on skype and I wasn't in the mood fro homework), "hmm wasn't that around the time that activision revealed black ops" yes indeed it was. Also, wasn't that, too, around the time that activision mentioned there would be another call of duty game coming out sometime in 2011, again yes it was. So I got pointlessly excited, as I am wont to do when I have nothing to do and have ingested copious amounts of coffee, and texted one of my friends. I was like "dude they're totally making modern warfare 3" so we started talking about video games and whatnot and we noticed one thing, something that should be obvious to anyone with an internet connection, Nintendo is gonna die, soon.
Here's the thing, I loved Nintendo, I really do. It's the reason I bought the wii while there were far superior consoles available. And honestly, it's hard not to love Nintendo, I mean, they did revive the industry back when a crappy shit-turtle alien game almost killed it. But let's see a few of the mistakes Nintendo seemed to have made recently:

The Wii's "Motion Sensor"

yes, I know, some of you might say it's innovative and whatnot but look deeper, to quote the most badass dude who ever lived "search your feelings, you know it's true". It's not just the "kiddy" image, although I must say Nintendo really has to cut the crap on their whole family friendly image. The real main thing that pissed me off about the wii is the shitty controls. I mean, really, they promised us virtual reality and they gave us this shit instead. seriously, was it too much to ask of Nintendo to make sure the wiimote was I don't know actually precise enough to play with before release? Even if you do think it was, then explain why this whole Wii motion plus bullshit is necessary??? By releasing newer addon to the wiimote (I feel like writing that just made me nerdier, oh well it could be worse) they're just admitting the fact that it was never as precise as they originally thought. Seriously, go out there and play a wii game, say legend of Zelda:twilight princess, which features a sword and shit which you can swing just like in real life! You're back? Good tell me you didn't wish you, I don't know, could actually move in-game the way you do in real life, wasn't that what they promised? Or so we thought? Instead, we have a crappy piece of plastic that you move in any general direction to make your character either move in the same general direction or do some other pre-programed bullshit. That is not virtual reality, it's the equivalent of moving a joystick to move your character in roughly the same direction. A joystick that can sometimes look like this:

The Wii itself

Along the same lines, there's been talk of a new HD wii (don't play that game, if you're reading this you've heard about it). which again, only raises the question: just what the fuck was intend thinking? Did they really think the wii's primitive graphics could compete with the newer systems? Hell, they were bad compared to the ps2. That's like comparing a three-year old's drawing to fucking Da Vinci
They Won't tell the difference...
No, they didn't. again, it was all about money. Nintendo knew the Microsoft had a huge advantage (the xbox 360 had been out for about a year) and sony's ps3 was about to be released so they needed to hurry. Now, I'm not saying the wii we got is a beta version (or am i), the thing is, would the wii really need so many add-ons and shit if it was really thought out the way they told us it was?
Think about it, Nintendo really wanted to get on the fray, they were left to watch as Microsoft and sony had all the fun. And by fun I mean money of course.

.. which is why now they're trying to make up for it by releasing all the crap they forgot to put in it in the first place.

Their First-Party Games

Yes, I went there. And yes, I do mean Nintendo games such as Mario, Zelda and pokemon. Again, look at the crap Nintendo had been releasing lately, they're definitely running out of ideas

Now what do we do?

Now, I hope you checked out some of the links above, as they help prove my point. The first two are self-explanatory, do we really need the same game sold to us as two just so they can put it in two different consoles? Hell no, adding the word Wii does not change the fact that both new super Mario bros. and new super Mario bros wii are exactly the same shit, they should have been one game, with the ds one being a port of the home version. Not to mention they're basically yet another remake of the same fucking game we've been playing for over 20 years.

"sure" you might say "both those games are, but so are al the other Mario games, don't you like Mario games you Cthulu-worshipping nutwad?" ok, Mario games do tend to be the same shit all the time (not that that's an argument for nintendo's creativity but oh well). But let's look at Zelda. Anyone who's ever played Zelda can and wil describe the story as "epic" and the setting as "medieval or some shit". What about the newer ones though, out of the last three major Zelda games, only one was actually set in the traditional hyrule fairyland. Nintendo seems to have totally lost their shit on this franchise, taking it from the sea, to "new" hyrule to fucking who-knows-where�.
seriously, there's milking a franchise for all it's worth, then there's sucking on it so hard the cow starts bleeding and dies and no one gets burgers from it.

A beloved Nintend franchise after it was milked dry

Now, don't even get me started on those new pokemon games bullshit. Hell, I called that shit as soon as they started anming the games after gems. If you can't see where Nintendo lost all trace of decency in naming a fucking game after two shades of light then quite frankly you deserve to be milked out of your money�.

Third-Party Games

Without a doubt this is the main issue anyone who owns a wii will always complain about. Now there are a few good wii games out there, there's gotta be, law of averages right? But the thing is you have to climb through piles of shitty games just to get to one decent one.

That is one big pile of shit-Dr. Ian Malcolm

Enough said

Point is, Nintendo had become yet another money whore, and a bad one at that, one of those VD-ridden ones…. Good thing is Mario is a plumber, maybe he clean clean up this shit.