Bum Wines

Do you enjoy foul-tasting cheap alcoholic drinks that you don't remember consuming the next day? If you said yes, what the hell is wrong with you and also your drink of choice just might be a bum wine.

Just The Facts

  1. Disclaimer: The writer of this article is of legal drinking age which in no way constitutes an excuse for the consumption of this shit. We're doing this purely in the name of entertainment. It's the only way we can compete with reality tv.
  2. Most bum wines range from about 12% ABV to a terrifying 19.5% ABV.
  3. Contrary to popular opinion, drinking a bum wine does not turn you into a bum. At least not right away.
  4. Studies show that if you enjoy the taste of a bum wine, you most likely lost your taste buds in a tragic icy streetlamp licking accident.
  5. Bum wines are usually only available at the scariest liquor stores in existence.

What is a Bum Wine?

Bum wines or "low-end fortified wines" to the politically correct, are one of mankind's worst achievements. Usually retailing for less than three dollars a bottle, bum wines pretty much only appeal to the homeless and college students who dismiss their budding alcoholism as "partying." We here at Cracked aren't sure it qualifies as a party if it takes place alone on a Tuesday night in the middle of a semester when a paper is due the next morning at 8am, but to each their own. Nobody wins when you drink bum wines (except the greedy bum wine conglomerates) and doing so is tantamount to announcing your stupidity to the world. With that being said, through meticulous hands on research we here at Cracked have reviewed and ranked the bum wines for your entertainment and education. Enjoy!