3D Movies

File sharing is killing Hollywood, or at least that's what they tell us. Movie studios are looking to the past for ways to make back the money they lost when you decided you'd rather watch The Social Network in you underwear with a six pack of Coors.

You wippersnappers and your Saw 3D!!

A Very Brief History of 3D Cinema

For all you wood nymphs who haven't seen Avatar yet, 3D movies create an illusion in depth perception making it seem as if the images in the movie you're watching are popping out of the screen at you. Back in the early days 3D movies were poorly scripted/acted/produced, and most of the images that came out of the screen had a rainbow like blur around them that was sure to leave you in bed with a migraine for days. These days 3D movies are so advanced it seems like Sam Worthington has actually come out of the screen and is sitting on your lap rubbing his big strong hands down your back and feeding you Goobers.

You'd like that wouldn't you?

3D movies were huge in the 50s, hell in even in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, but every 3D movie that came out back then was basically irrelevant to cinema history.

Not exactly relevant to movie history

Not exactly as good as Robot Monster 3D

I think It's safe to say that pre-Avatar there were no redeeming qualities about 3D movies other than that the pictures came out of the screen.

The Rise Of 3D

Remember a couple of years ago, way back when George W was in the white house. Way back when Katrina hit, Tommy Lee had a reality show about going to college, and Jessica Simpson was actually a person. Back then when you wanted to see pictures come out of a screen you had to sit through some of the most terrible live action kids romps ever helmed by Robert Rodriguez. Like Shark Boy and Lava Girl for example.

It was either this or the bed wetting spells that made 2005 such a lonely year

Then it happened. Every year after 05 a handful of 3D movies started showing up. It wasn't much much but it was subtle calm before the storm. Then in 2009 everything went 3D. The Jonas Brothers went 3D, Neil Gaiman went 3D, and Avatar took 3D to the Oscars.

Now I know, at first, I too blamed all of this on some crazed film buff summoning Anzanzu the sodomy demon out of the depths of hell to cast the the thousand year curse of three dimensional cinema, but there's a slightly more logical explanation as to why all of this is happening.

In recent years, statistics show, that the amount of movies people are illegally downloadling has skyrocketed. While 3D films have risen to mass popularity so has The Pirate Bay. It's easy to see the correlation. Movie studios claim they have endured significant losses from people downloading movies while at the same time we are seeing more and more 3D movies. Hollywood is bringing back the cheap thrills to sell people on going to the movies.

I mean who doesn't love torrent sites? I can click a few buttons and within a few hours I have every Batman movie ever made at my fingertips, for free! I can sit in my boxers with a forty ounce of malt liquor and pop corn that doesn't cost twenty dollars while I watch whatever movie I want, and I can steal my neighbor's wireless internet connection and not have to pay any money what so ever.

I like to think of the 3D movie revival as one side of a war between swashbuckling movie pirates and the big wigs in Hollywood.

So is This Good or Bad? I can't think for myself!

It has it's pros and cons. On one hand the 3D craze has managed to make really bad movies worst than you thought they could be. For instance the popular horror franchise Saw. Watching one of the critically panned Saw films is about as settling as watching rape porn at a nursing home, but watching Saw in 3D is bad in an a whole new unimaginable way.

So yes the 3D craze does have quite the fair share of a unwatchable movies.

It's like Dirty Dancing in 3D, except without Patrick Swayze, and more gay

But then there's the other side of it. Look downloading movies is totally cool, but there's something magical about going out to the theater on a Friday night with your girlfriend (or alone on a Tuesday afternoon depending on whether you're me or a normal person)

3D puts the excitement back in going to the movie, it's a whole new spin on the movie industry. Sure there's gonna be some shit 3D flicks, but there's also the really awesome ones. Seeing Avatar in IMAX 3D was the equivalent of base jumping at Niagra Falls. So expect to see some really terrible movies in the coming years (The Smurfs starring Katy Perry comes out in 3D August 11!!) but also we can try to be optimists for once and look forward to the good things this whole crazy 3D trend has to offer.

If anything you have to love how ridiculous old people look in 3D glasses