Church: A Living Hell

If you're like me and you grew up in a Christian, no-sex-until-you're-God-damn-married environment, you probably hated going to church on Sundays as well.

Unless you're like these guys.


This is the harsh reality.

Just The Facts

  1. A church is nothing more but a building that people like to go to once a week to worship whatever higher being they believe in.
  2. Many Christians see church as a place belonging to God, therefore the church is a holy thing.
  3. The earliest churches built where traced back to the first century AD.

My Silly, Christian Parents

Church, to me, was just another place I went to on Sundays because if I didn't, my parents would whip me then send me to hell. Now I know they don't actually have that power and that whipping is just a kinky and very creepy way of saying "we love you."

As mentioned before, I was raised in an environment where I was taught that certain things were immoral and wrong, and that kissing Lizzy Johnston was something I'd burn for. My parents were homophobic, and not just regular butt-sex-is-icky homophobic, but they were straight up Gay Bashers. Where the heck did my parents get these ideas from?

This was taken directly from Genesis 19:1-13.

19:1 The two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them and bowed himself with his face to the earth 2 and said, "My lords, please turn aside to your servant's house and spend the night and wash your feet. Then you may rise up early and go on your way." They said, "No; we will spend the night in the town square." 3 But he pressed them strongly; so they turned aside to him and entered his house. And he made them a feast and baked unleavened bread, and they ate.

4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. 5 And they called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them." 6 Lot went out to the men at the entrance, shut the door after him, 7 and said, "I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. 8 Behold, I have two daughters who have not known any man. Let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please. Only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof." 9 But they said, "Stand back!" And they said, "This fellow came to sojourn, and he has become the judge! Now we will deal worse with you than with them." Then they pressed hard against the man Lot, and drew near to break the door down. 10 But the men reached out their hands and brought Lot into the house with them and shut the door.11 And they struck with blindness the men who were at the entrance of the house, both small and great, so that they wore themselves out groping for the door.

12 Then the men said to Lot, "Have you anyone else here? Sons-in-law, sons, daughters, or anyone you have in the city, bring them out of the place.13 For we are about to destroy this place, because the outcry against its people has become great before the Lord, and the Lord has sent us to destroy it."

Basically, what went down was that two angels came to Sodom and met up with their pal Lot. Lot convinced the two angels to stay the night at his house so he could treat them to a feast and wash their feet. Before they could go to bed though, a bunch of men from town, young and old, came knocking on Lot's door.

"Holy shit," Lot grumbled.

"OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT," the men of town demanded, knocking on Lot's door furiously.

Lot opened the door to see a crowd of mismatched men surrounding his property, "Guys, it's late. What do you want?"

"We want to meet the two guys in your house, show 'em a good time, if you know what I mean," an old man stated.

Lot shuddered, "They're getting ready for bed. This isn't a good time. If you want to rape someone, I have to daughters that aren't getting some anytime soon..."

The men of town totally disregarded this and barged into Lot's house only to be struck with AMAZING BRIGHT LIGHT.

The two angels said to Lot, "Get your family and shit out of this place. God's pissed and he's about to destroy this town."

That passage was the reason Christians believed so deeply that God truly hates gays. But what bothers me about this isn't the thought of the men of town wanting to take turns with the two angels, but the fact that Lot actually offered his daughters to a bunch of rapists.

But then again, that offer was denied. Think what you want of this, but my guess is, Lot had really ugly daughters.