Medal Of Honor

Remember when Call Of Duty went modern and how everyone was like "AW, COOL, Call Of Duty's gone modern"? Well, EA realized noone likes shooting Nazis anymore, not with terrorists about. So they released Medal Of Honor.

This creative process takes HOURS to carry out

Just The Facts

  1. Medal Of Honor is the latest instalment in the "Medal Of Honor" series. We're as shocked as you.
  2. Modernising has become the safety net for games these days. Correction, it's the SENSIBLE safety net. The other one involves zombies and makes no sense.
  3. Sometimes, modernising doesn't work. Case in point, this game could have been vastly improved by following the typical MOH way: "When in doubt, throw in the Third Reich!"

Call Of Du--oops, Medal Of Honor

Let's face it. This game was going to be criticised! It was bound to happen. Sort of like it was bound to happen when Michael Jackson turned himself into a walking nightmare! Two of the most successful games of this generation were Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare and Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Notice how they didn't even bother to call it "Call Of Duty 6: Modern Warfare 2". It didn't even need it! Hell, they could have called it "Call Of Duty: Moderner Warfare (This time, it's got LAZERZ)" and you'd still buy it, even with its ridiculous title! Anyway, the point being, if you were a developer with a series that was in desperate need of a revival, and you saw COD4 selling like hotcakes, what would you do?

Who could resist these? They're so COOL!

EA took the "copycat" approach, taking a predominantly WW2 led series, and putting in fighter jets and the Taliban (because those fuckers need more media awareness). The result was average to disappointing. The campaign itself if doable within 3 - 4 hours and the characters are so bland, they might as well have just called them "Generic Leader 1" and "Cocky asshole 3". That's not to say the game isn't fun, it's just not $60 fun.

What would WE have done?

Time for a hypothetical scenario: EA have contacted Cracked.com and told them to write the story, list the characters and give details on which weapons should feature. Locations, vehicles, weather, it's all in our control. We do love our control. More than Darth Vadar loves gripping air.

"I am altering the game! Pray I don't alter it any further!"

Well, first things first, we wouldn't call it "Medal Of Honor". The game title needs to invoke a feeling of pride and emotion, so we'd call it "Michael Swaim vs The World". If you're asking why, you're no longer needed here. Leave. The main character would obviously be Michael Swaim, but he wouldn't be the playable character. Aha! Here's the twist. He'd be the military intelligence. We know, genius, right? Littered throughout "Medal Of Honor" are cutscenes featuring this dude:

So, we want to replace this guy with Swaim. We feel he'd bring some much needed humour to this game, considering how it's about war and all that.

Ta-da

Okay, so with that sorted. The rest is pretty simple. Rename Rabbit, Deuce and Dante as Sleepy, Dopey and Bashful, respectively, replace Afghanistan with The North Pole, change all the grenades into bananas and finish it all up with a flying sequence on board a tourist plane full of fat, wheezy texans, who're complaining about the lack of leg room and the inadequate seating size. Of course, we'd keep the guns as they are, since we have no quarrel with shooting people in videogames and we'd hate to take that away from everyone.