The Theory Of Evolution

To summarise: Living things change to fit their environment in response to their environment.

From gay lemur to naked man in 5 easy steps.

Just The Facts

  1. The Theory of Evolution was put forward by Charles Darwin, after fucking about with it for 30 years.
  2. He only published to beat out Alfred Russell Wallace, when the sucker sent Darwin a preview of his own manuscript on The Origin of Human Races.
  3. Creationists really, really hate him for daring to explain God's design.
  4. Oh, and for the whole monkey thing too - they screech and threaten and fling verbal shit at him.
  5. By Jove, Darwin is right!

It's Another "Brief History of Time" thing, isn't it?

Yep. "The Origin of the Species" is yet another book that you know you know you should read, haven't (although it is free on Google books), but act as if you have, based on knowing what mutants are from the cartoons.

We learn all our science from cartoons.

Some dim memories of 8th grade science, assuming you live outside Texas, even give you a vague idea as to how it works. Don't strain yourself - since ICP ignored evolution in favor of magnets, we'll just have to refresh your memory.

The Cliff Notes Version - in pictures

All living things breed.

Though rarely this elegantly

Every one of their offspring is slightly different.

We said slightly.

Some fit better into the environment they live in, living longer and breeding more.

Living longer is of course relative.

Their children inherit that ecological niche.

Poor sods.

Eventually they can only breed with others of the same bloodline. That is a new species.

Though they do keep trying ...

There - that wasn't too painful now, was it?

The Controversy

Proving that, though species may evolve, religious nutters do not, the Theory of Evolution has been attacked since the day of it's first publication. There was a total fucking uproar. Preachers up and down the country were pounding pulpits, instead of widows, and calling it an abomination in the eyes of God.

Satirical cartoonists had a field day.

This shit carried on, sometimes muted, sometimes loudly. For 111 motherfucking years and counting.

As general acceptance of Evolutionary Theory spread, especially after the discovery of DNA, the objectors made up for their shrinking numbers by getting louder and more active, until, today, you have an avowed creationist as the Head of Education of the biggest (and dumbest) state in the USA. A creationist thinking of running for President.

Note: The term 'thinking' is not to be taken literally.

So what is their fucking problem? We are honestly not sure.

It could be that to them Theory means "wild assed guess." But, since you don't see many of them floating around ignoring the Theory of Gravitation, probably not.

It could be that they hate science, as too hard for their tiny brains to comprehend.

Or of course, they could just really fucking well hate monkeys.

Bingo.