Louisiana

Louisiana is a state in the US. It's greatest claims to fame include New Orleans, cajuns, and Britney Spears AKA the Queen of the Cajuns.

Yes, this is one of their greatest accomplishments.

Just The Facts

  1. Louisiana became a state on April 30, 1812.
  2. After living in several places in the South, I can guarantee that it is one of the most racist places in the United States.
  3. If you go there, you will be murdered by fucking mosquitoes.
  4. If the mosquitoes don't kill you, the gators will.
  5. If by some twist of nature, you survive the mosquitoes and gators, you will be destroyed in a hurricane.
  6. If you walk out of Louisiana alive, you should be raised up as a deity.

New Orleans

New Orleans is a great city. There's bourbon, voodoo, drunk chicks, hookers, and casinos. There's also Mardis Gras which is all of these at once AND a parade.

This picture does not have enough boobs to be a completely accurate representation.

This picture does not have enough boobs to be an accurate representation.

Sadly, it's been commercialized and now it can't live up to it's former glory. The birthplace of jazz music is a tourist trap now. Yes, you can cry. We'll give you a moment.

Better? Okay. The good news: no one ever commercializes it anymore. The bad news: They don't commercialize it anymore because it was destroyed in Hurricane Katrina. Now there's plenty of time to enjoy the beauty of New Orleans after you clean up the rubble and feed the starving musician who's suppposed to be playing that sweet jazz for you.

Cajuns

Okay, so pretty much what happened was this. France and England had always hated each other but they somehow had this kid Canada. They fought for custody of poor, poor Canada his whole life. One day, Canada decided to rebel against his parents by moving in with America. America quickly influenced Canada, creating the Acadian, or Cajun, person. Cajuns are pretty much rednecks with a French twist. Their music is called zydeco and is actually pretty cool. I've got some links to some of it below. The Cajun diet mainly consists of crawfish (the bastard cousin of the lobster), etoufee, gumbo, and whatever they hit on their way home. The hobbies of the Cajun are quite similar to the redneck's. Hunting, fishing, being overly conservative about everything, drinking, and wife-beating are among their favorites. They look like this:

None of these men have passed the 3rd grade.

Britney Spears

Ah, we've reached this mess. Britney started out living in a trailer park in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She was discovered as a kid and was on the Mickey Mouse Club. Then she got older and grew boobs. This was generally considered to be where things turned to shit. Her mother, desperate to get as much money to buy tacky shit for their new double-wide, shoved her into a schoolgirl fetish outifit at 16.

What you're thinking of now is illegal. Nope, so is that one.

What you're thinking now is illegal. No, so is that one.

Then she got older and skankier. She married a "rapper", had a bunch of kids and went fucking nuts, ending in the picture at the top of the article. Britney Spears proves my theory that Louisiana is full of deadly dangerous bugs because they were put there by the government in order to stop the Cajuns from escaping.