Michael Jordan

Arguably the greatest basketball player/worst gambler ever, Michael Jordan once dunked over Clifford the Big Red Dog, communism, and your mom.

Though MJ is revered everywhere, this was the first man to compliment MJ on that jacket.

Getting dressed in the dark after a locker room quickie, these two mistakenly put on each other's outfits.

Just The Facts

  1. Although Wilt Chamberlain once averaged over 50 points per game for an entire season, "Air" Jordan still averaged more points per game for his entire career, and averaged fewer S.T.D.s per diem.
  2. According to Forbes, Michael Jordan's $168 million divorce settlement is the highest on public record. This record will stand until the much-anticipated and not-at-all-rumored Speidi divorce.
  3. Isiah Thomas was a dick to Jordan, both organizing a "freeze-out" of Jordan during his rookie year All-Star Game, and walking off the court a minute early during Thomas' game four deciding loss to the Bulls in the 1991 Eastern Finals.

Cracked on Michael Jordan

First of all, if you think MJ's divorce was bad, don't: 10 Divorce Stories Too Strange To Make Up.

In addition, it's important to note that Michael Jordan's career, compared to the careers of many uber-superstars, was quite squeaky clean. This is evidenced by the Cracked.com article: 7 Great Sports Moments (That Might Have Been Fixed).

Wait, no. That doesn't prove our point at all. But it's important to take into account Jordan's off-field performance, filled with good deeds and not-at-all-containing moments where he awkwardly flirts with Kevin Bacon in an underwear commercial: The 5 Most Ridiculous March Madness Ads.

Err... Well... we're just oh-for-two, now, aren't we? The point is... Michael Jordan can play ball, and we'd definitely draft his Space Jam persona in the top 11 of all basketball movie characters: Mock Draft: The Top 11 Movie Basketball Players of All Time.

Or maybe not... This reeks of an Isiah Thomas conspiracy.

Here's more totally non-themed pics

kissing trophy

Had MJ contracted oral herpes, this magazine would be worth thousands.

space jam

Space Jam- Because in Space, No One Can Hear You Get Raped By a Bunny

 

 

kissing floor

Seriously, Michael, do you know how many times Charles Barkley has pissed there?