Rants are exactly the kind of thing that are running this world into the ground! People who are so stupid that they rant like maniacs should just be shot!

Just The Facts

  1. People who depend on factoids about stupid shit lead meaningless lives and such degenerate lifestyles lend no productivity to society!
  2. Such miscreants should probably be hanged in public to deter further idiots from seling their souls to hoggish "information" outlets!
  3. If this goes on, don't be surprised if your morning paper in the future is a giant penis with "Cracked" stamped across the shaft!
  4. Retard.

It's Called a "Turn Signal!"

Seriously, dude, you're driving a big goddamned SUV, weaving in and out of traffic like you're goddamned Stuntman Mike, and while I'm willing to accept the fact that you have absolutely no idea that I'm about a foot from being behind you all the way, I'd be more tolerant of it if you would at least give me the courtesy of a dumb-ass beacon so I can get out of Your Majesty's way.

And you know what else? When they invent a time machine, I'm gonna make you pay me back all the time I wasted assuming you were continuing on that road to which I sat perpendicular waiting to turn instead of psychically picking up on the fact you were in fact turning and saving myself the 10+ seconds of devolution you just gifted unto the world.


Microsoft is EVIL!

Why do I have to buy a computer with Microshaft Windblow$? Who decided that the fate of the computing world should derive from the proliferation of this cancer? Hello? Have you ever heard of FREEDOM? It's just like you sheep to accept the feed of your master, shifting at his every prod. Well you know what? I refuse to bow down to an evil empire! I shouldn't have to tolerate closed-fisted policies that limit competition and expressive liberty!

Which is why I bought an iPad.

The Jews Are What's Wrong With This World!

Mm... Never mind.