Final Fantasy Ii

Final Fantasy II was the first game of The Final Fantasy Game series released for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Nerds everywhere laud this as the first of the storytelling RPGs.

*WARNING* Nerdgasm in progress

Just The Facts

  1. You can thank this game for: RPGs with long complicated stories and lots of characters that make them unfilmable.
  2. The "betrayer" character in most RPGs. Seriously nearly every RPG after this one has a character who betrays the party.
  3. This game started the large amounts of Star Wars references in RPGs. For example, this is the 4th game of the series, yet is Final Fantasy II sorta how the 1st Star Wars movie is Episode IV.

Impact of Final Fantasy II

Final Fantasy II Set the bar higher for RPG graphics, story, and characters.

Admittedly the graphics bar was not that high to begin with.

Final Fantasy II took the whole game experience as one long story. And realize we do mean LONG. Final Fantasy II for an experinced RPG fan takes 40hrs+ the first time through! That's right you could watch twenty(20) fantasy movies in the time it took you to beat just 1 game of FFII.

So what do you think guys? 20 Movies or 1 game?

For comparison Titanic which is a LONG movie comes in at 3 hours and 14 minutes. Would you watch a 40 hour film? Hell, even watching a porno starring Scarlett Johansen would get a little tiresome after 38 hours or so�¢ï¿½�¦�¢ï¿½�¦..wait where was I again? Oh yes, a really long game. Anyway, this game has 40 hours of material that someone trying to make a movie would have to shoehorn into a 1:45-2:30 movie. This just can't be done and do any justice at all to the source material.

The characters

In addition to this, there are no less than a dozen good guy characters, each of which plays a large part in the story. If you were trying to film this game, you would have to have 12 reasonably strong actors (sorry Keanu, you can't be Cecil).

Cecil

later Cecil(seriously Square this is the name for the hero? You couldn't come up something manlier? The game starts off with us already wanting to shove him in a locker) starts off as a dark knight of the Kigdom of Baron. Eventually he becomes a paladin and acquires an awesone Fabio-esque head of white hair. Who would play him? I mean who would look good as a dark broody knight and with that hair?

Kain

Kain is the betrayer character of the game. He floats in and out of the party usually screwing them over as he leaves. He is under controll by Golbez, so there is that I guess. At the end, it is revealed he is blond under that helmet. Ok so who in hollywood looks evil and yet good as a blond, huh? Anyone?

Rosa

Rosa is Cecil's girlfriend. She is the damsel in distress for over half the game.

Tellah

Ahh, Tellah, the old master. He

Edward

Edward is a big wimp he's a blonde emo bard. He attacks with a F*****G harp, and has Hide as a skill. But look at those sad eyes, it's no wonder he got Tellah's daughter to go with him. He would only be more attarctive to young girls if his last name was Cullen.

Yang

Palom & Porom

&

Cid

Rydia

Edge

Fusoya

And of course the baddies:

Golbez

Darth Vader could have been a lot more FABULOUS!

Zemus/Zeromus

The Story

The game begins with Cecil swooping in with his formation of Airships onto a town called Mysidia. He's there to steal their Water Crystal(a recurring element of the Final Fantasy series).

Heroism?

Well, anyway, he goes home to the king and asks a simple question: why the hell are we like bitch slapping common people and stealing their shit?(paraphrased) He is then removed from his command position, and given a delivery mission to a nearby town. When he delivers the package monsters come out and burn the town down. The only survivor is a young girl named Rydia who proceeds to summon an earthquake making giant to make them shi--oops no just cracks open the ground and leaves Cecil and Rydia by the next town. They also find out that his girlfriend from the castle followed him and is in bad shape. They travel to another nearby town for the medicine only to meet up with an old wizard who is after the prince of that town for stealing his daughter(his intentions for his daughter remain unclear, but hey it's not Alabama, so its probably ok). They arrive as the castle is bombed by Cecil's old unit. The prince survives, but the wizard's daughter was killed, after a brief fight the wizard leaves you and the prince becomes a party member.

\

Ok, knifey old man!

After curing Cecil's girlfriend they start trying to get ahead of the bad guy by getting to the next crystal first. They meet up with Yang and rush to the next crystal As usual they arrive just before the airship attack. This time however they are at the crystal when it hits. Kain, a friend of Cecil's and early party member jumps down to get the crystal. Cecil goes to fight him and get his ass handed to him. Rosa jumps in the way and is kidnapped by Kain's boss and new commander of the Red Wings, Golbez.

Hayden Chistensen would play me if we did a movie. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Without air travel, the group has to get to Baron by boat. This boat is sunk by the sea monster Leviathan. Cecil wakes up in Mysidia(back where this all started). There he is greeted by sorceror twins Palom and Porom.

Ok, so that's where Rowling got the idea.

The two pint-sized wizards let Cecil know that if he REALLY wants to kick ass he will have travel up Mount Ordeals and become a Paladin. They go to help him out. Along the way they meet up with the old wizard again. He is actually the two kids' grandfather. Tellah is looking for Meteor, the ultimate good magic, to use on Golbez (funny thing is 3 games later that is the main threat..) Cecil has to fight himself as a dark knight. Like Luke in Empire Strikes back, Cecil would be better off without weapons. If Cecil attacks the copy, the fight will last indefinitely, it is only by losing this fight that he wins.(Must be the Charlie Sheen School of "winning") He becomes a Paladin and Tellah learns Meteor. Finally, they make their way to Baron.

They confront the king and turns out he is a monster impersonating the king. After a righteous ass whipping, Cid the Airship engineer shows up with the use of an airship. As they are exiting the castle, they get in a trap room where the walls are closing in. Palom and Porom turn themselves to stone and stop it.

Sorta like this but more realistic looking.

Okay, so after the death of the twins and the obligatory denouncing of the bad guy, our heroes are again confronted by Kain. This time he is offering (surprise...not) Rosa's life for the final of the four crystals. Cecil and party run off and get it. They travel with Kain to the Tower of Zot to get Rosa. Golbez takes the crystal is is about to flee when Tellah finally fires off Meteor. Golbez shrugs it off and says" Your powers are weak old man."[citation needed] Tellah dies. Kain seems to be back to normal and out of Golbez's control. Rosa teleports them out. Kain tells them no this quest isn't over yet, there are four more crystals underground that he has to get. SO this is the halfway point. Cid suggests flying the airship underground(WTF?!!!!!) . They find an entrance and manage to help the dwarves who live underground keep the crystals. They also find Rydia now all grown up(Pedobear is crying about now). As they leave they realize that the hole to the undeworld needs to be sealed. Cid sacrifices himself and uses a bomb to seal it off. Now that the party has an airship they can travel around. They travel to the tower of Babil (ooooh biblical reference!) and fall back down to the underworld. When they get the last crystal, Kain bitch slaps Cecil(again) and hands it to Golbez. The party is then informed that Kain and Golbez went to the moon, but not to despair they can follow them there in the Lunar Whale.

Well, it SOUNDED impressive.

So the heroes run off to the moon and meet up with Fusoya, a Lunarian, he tells them that Cecil's father was a Lunarian too, but if he wants child support he's too late. He also tells him that there is someone else behind Golbez...Emperor Palpa...no not him....Zemus. They stop Golbez from killing everyone with a giant robot (the game is from Japan after all) and Fusoya breaks Zemus's control over Golbez. This finally frees Kain for good. Golbez tells Cecil they are brothers and he being the elder is going to go whip Zemus's ass for messing with them.

Luke, I am your....oops sorry wrong guy. Cecil, I am your brother.

After they leave and nothing seems to happen, Cecil and friends make their way back to the moon and fight their way down to watch the fight with Zemus. After Fusoya and Golbez don't seem to be making a dent, Golbez pulls out a crystal that is supposed to do something. Zemus beats their ass and they are knocked out. Golbez hands Cecil the crystal and tells him to give Zemus the beat down. Zemus proceeds to knock the entire party down, but they are restored by the prayers and wishes(and unicorn rainbow dust or something) of their friends back home. Cecil uses the crystal and Zemus dies. End of game yes easy...no wait... of course it isn't that easy, it's only the 39:30min mark. Zemus's spirit gets up and the party has to fight Zeromus. Zeromus is HARD. Anyways afyer a long fight Zeromus dies, Universe saved! The heroes head back to earth, and Golbez and Fusoya tell them they are taking this moon(a fake one the Lunarians made) and heading out.

Thanks, guys!

Cecil marries Rosa and they are the new king and queen of Baron. Kain is last seen on Mt. Ordeals vowing to restore his honor, yadda, yadda, yadaa The end.

The Legacy

Ok here is the legacy of this game:

  1. RPGs with long complicated stories that make them unfilmable
  2. RPGs with lots of characters, again making them unfilmable
  3. The "betrayer" character in most RPGs
  4. Fantasy games with a ridiculous number of Star Wars references

So remember if you are playing a game and can't think of what they could do to cut this down to a movie, here is the game you have to blame.

Then again do we really want them to try ANOTHER movie?