Mariah Carey

Mariah is a succesful American singer/songwriter, originally from Long Island NY, the origin of other great celebrities like Criss Angel, Lindsay Lohan, and Flava Flav! Ugh... nevermind.

Loch Ness jokes would be too easy.

Just The Facts

  1. She is obsessed with herself, to the point she thinks everyone else is.
  2. She has an entire secret wine cellar in her house, possibly also harbors children in there...
  3. Shes an ultra-lush.
  4. I am completelty fine with all of this. Even envious.

The Diva

Mariah Carey has openly admitted to being a control freak, but im thinking shes just a freak. Over the years a lot of different rumors about the diva have been leaked, so i compiled a list of things that the singer finds completely normal:

  • Insures her goddess legs for a billion dollars.
  • Refers to her legs as goddess legs.
  • Her entourage lowers her onto couches so she doesnt crease her dress.
  • She has someone walk backwards in front of her, in case she falls forward.
  • She sleeps in a steam room, with terry-cloth sheets, and her electronics safely stowed behind glass
  • She surrounds herself by bodyguards at restaurants, so shes not seen eating.
  • When she stayed in london, she circled the block in a limo while her "minions" rolled out a red carpet with white candles lining it for her.
  • When told she would travel economy class for a low budget film, mariah bought out every other ticket in order to travel alone.
  • She doesnt speak for two days before a concert, she writes notes even making comments that having a voice-automater like Stephen Hawkings would be helpful because she wouldnt have to write.
  • She has people hold her drink for her while she sips it.

Being lowered onto a couch, while looking on adoringly to her minions.

(Note: Not Glinda the good witch of the north.)

Although people always poke fun that shes a diva, and that shes way too demanding, shes been quoted as saying shes not demanding enough! Her entourage is generally 15 people, i prefer to call them minions.

I am personally going to start making my entourage friends do all this for me!

The Feud

Its not secret that Eminem and Mariah have butted heads over a supposed relationship years back, but recently the diva, who henceforth shall only be referred to as diva, released a song called obsessed, in which she plays a "thug gangster" white boy who is completely obsessed with her, and whos making up an entire relationship in his head. But its not supposed to be Eminem....

Eminem fired back with "The Warning", and unlike the divas hints that it was about Eminem, he went straight for it. His lyrics say things along the lines of

"Wanna hear something wick wack?

I got the same exact tat that's on Nick's back
I'm obsessed now
Oh gee, is that supposed to be me in the video with the goatee?
Wow Mariah, didn't expect you to go balls out
Bitch shut the fuck up before I put all them phone calls out
you made to my house when you was wild-n-out before Nick
When you was on my dick and give you somethin to smile about"

Including that he used to call her mary poppins, hmm mary poppins, why does that sound familiar?

"You so so lame
And no one here even mentions your name
It must be the weed. It must be the E
Cause you be popping hood
You get it popping"

Oh, yeah. From that completely irrelevant line in "Obsessed". Wow, she did go balls out!

Not Pictured: Eminem. Pictured: Balls out.

Her talent

She has talent, her ego just proceeds it.

She sang almost her entire life, including through out middle school, and earned the nickname "mirage" because she skipped class so often in order to fulfill her singing career. Its a damn good thing it panned out then. Theres your role model!

Shes been compared to Whitney Houston (not for being a cracked out diva) but for having a voice two octaves above a soprano.

She has had 15 number one singles including:

  • 1990 - "Vision Of Love"
  • 1990 - "Love Takes Time"
  • 1991 - "Someday"
  • 1991 - "I Don't Wanna Cry"
  • 1991 - "Emotions"
  • 1992 - "I'll Be There"
  • 1993 - "Hero"
  • 1993 - "Dream Lover"
  • 1995 - "Fantasy"
  • 1995 - "One Sweet Day" (w/ Boyz II Men)
  • 1996 - "Always Be My Baby"
  • 1997 - "Honey"
  • 1998 - "My All"
  • 1999 - "Heartbreaker"
  • 1999 - "Thank God I Found You"