5 Fun Things To Do In An Exam

So you've just realized that all that stuff you were told to study is not actually in the exam and there's really no point in continuing (you could try to finish but your just way to cool for that). With hours to go, what in the hell is there to do?

This is literally the first thing that comes up for Google images

Just The Facts

  1. A breakdown of time spent in an exam:
  2. 50% = Having no idea what the fuck this shit is.
  3. 22% = Drawing cartoon skateboarders fall over.
  4. 15% = Thinking "I'll study that next time".
  5. 10% = Procrastinating.
  6. 3% = Actually knowing answers.
  7. 1.1110087% = Wishing you weren't in an exam.
  8. If my maths is correct (which it usually isn't) that comes to 101.1110087%

#5 Be a Jackass

Your a cracked reader so you have plenty of experience in being an ignorant dousher, so why not bring some of that expertise with you to the exam room. Meaning: Be as much of an ass to the supervisor as you can without getting your ass kicked out.

"Like this wonderful man"

If you are unsure of what exactly we mean by this, here is example: Sneak a harmonica and the student handbook's rules on exam conditions into the exam room. Half way through, start playing it as loudly and as badly as you can. When the supervisor comes around and tells you to stop pull out the handbook and ask them to find the part about practicing musical instruments in the exam room. If they actually do this, don't forget to say "Told you so" when the stop reading.

#4 Be a Smartass

It's one thing to just be a jerk, but taking it a step father is harder than you'd think. Taking the monumental leap from idiot with a harmonic to student with a razor sharp wit is difficult and so here are some examples to show how it is done.

"Yeah Boy"

Example 1: Find a justifyable reason to refuse to answer questions, such as :"What is Darwin's theory?" "I cannot answer this question because it conflicts with religious beliefs that i hold very close."

Example 2: If the exam is maths related, used as much working as you can. such as: "What is a + c?" "If a= 14 cats and the plus sign symbolises the injustices of the western societies and if the equasion takes place in a packing warehouse..." after about 10 lines of working, give the correct answer.

"Or this. This is fine too."

#3 Get Angry

Nothing is funnier than watching some kid lose his shit.

"ARRRRRRRRGHWORLDOFWARCRAFTARRRRRRRRRRRFUCKAGGGGGRRRRRRRRR88GBMEMORY"

And if this happens in the middle of an examination, then its even funnier. Perhaps standing up and storming out of the room is your style? Or maybe you prefer to push over your desk? If you ask us however, the best way to show how pissed you are is to do this: Raise your hand and politely and quietly ask the supervisor if you can use the toilet. If they say "no" stand up and scream "Look! I am going to take a fucking shit! deal with it! Fuck!" and storm off to the toilet. Come back in as if nothing had happened.

"What?"

#2 Get Personal With The Supervisor

All of the ideas so far have involved antagonising the supervisor in someway. This however takes it to a new level. The aim here is to get the supervising staff to spend as much time as possible with you. One golden tactic to follow is to raise your hand. When someone comes to you, ask for the answer to a question. When they refuse to tell you the answer try everything to goad it out of them. Try bribes, blackmail and anything else you can think of.

"That's the spirit!"

If that doesn't sound good, maybe you might want to inspire sympathy from them. You know, by acting like a fucking retard. Ask what a simple word means. Then while they're still near you, (out loud) try to answer the question(but fail at it). Also, reading every single question out loud is good. When they tell you to "cut that shit out" state "But I cant read silently" then go back to reading like a 6 year old.

"T...Th...The... The C... The Ca... The Cat..."

If the supervisor is a female, complement her on how sexy she looks today.

"Nice ass Mrs Plimpton"

#1 For When You Just Don't Give A Shit.

Lets face it, most of these have been risky. But to be honest, they're pretty tame compared to what we're about to say now. Those of you who like being smart and going to schools, turn around. We're serious, turn around. GET THE FUCK BACK! Yeah, you walk off.... Ok, now that we just have the delinquents left, listen to this. Try to get kicked out. This means being as obnoxious as humanly possible.

"This is the master of all cockwittery"

Example 1: From the very beginning, start tearing up your paper into little pieces. After 10 minutes throw them into the air and should something. The word "fuck" seems to be popular. Then ask the examiner for another copy of the test saying "I lost the first one"

Example 2: Come down with a case of tourettes. A BAD case of tourettes.

Example 3: Get a copy of the test, and make a run for the door screaming "Ive got the exam! I've got it!"

Example 4: Fall asleep (pretend, d'uh). 20 minutes before the end of the exam wake up (pretend, fuck do we have to think of everything for you), and say " Oh. Better get cracking. Hand up the paper early.