Marching Bands

Answer: Tall hats, protruding feathers, poles, capes and blowing hard on a wide array of instruments. Question: What do marching bands and drag clubs have in common?

Just The Facts

  1. True to it's name, marching bands involve both bands and marching.
  2. In 2009, the first gay, lesbian and transgendered marching band was chosen to perform in the Presidential inaugural parade. It's a common misconception that every single marching band is gay, lesbian and transgendered.
  3. The song "Flight of the Bumblebee" performed by a marching band does not sound even remotely good.

Next time, sign up for women's soccer

As a high schooler, fitting in is an absolute must. The good looking popular boys choose football, the cute girls choose gymnastics. The under the radar boys choose soccer, or track and field, while the alright at best girls choose the yearbook committee or the morning announcements. The socially awkward, 'scared of their own acne' kids choose magic cards at the front table in the cafeteria. But it's right at the bottom of the proverbial barrel, passed the stoner kid with a tampon in his nose, the girl that wears a Blossom hat and smells like sunflower seeds, and passed the kid who's been lip synching "Tub thumping" by Chumba Wumba at every talent show since he was 8; that you're going to find the marching band kids.

Good at things like wood working, choreographed lunges and having low self esteem, they make excellent punching bags. Er, musicians. Being encouraged to participate in some extra curricular activities by parents and therapists, they throw 100% of themselves into the art of dancing in a velvet cape. It will give them a sense of worth, comradery, team work, and what it truly and sincerely means to be the biggest turd in a school of 1,500.

Marching bands; more harm than good?

What happens after high school is truly a scary thought. The continuation of the marching band, later on in life. If at any point in time, being in a marching band is in any way, shape, or form acceptable, it's under the age of 18.

There is nothing more disturbing than a group of under sexed, over Family Guy'd, 30 somethings, arguing over what's more manly; the piccolo or the french horn. I'm sure eventually they will make up, do their secret bull horn hand shake, and pop some anti depressants for good measure.

Chances are, all of these people will develop strange afflictions for things like covering their genatils in honey, and camping out over night in the woods. At the very least, they'll be putting videos on youtube of themselves singing Michael Buble to a coat rack with Megan Fox's face on it.

"Marching bands are the devil." - Someone, I'm sure.