Boba Fett

Boba Fett, a.k.a. the Star Wars galaxy's resident badass motherfucker. Also, dies in a presumably gay fashion. However, through further examination you will learn that he can escape not only Sarlaccs, but the clutches of George Lucas himself.

Yes. That badass.

Just The Facts

  1. Mysterious bounty hunter with sweet armor
  2. He is on Darth Vader's speed-dial
  3. Rivalry with Han Solo
  4. Doesn't actually die in Episode VI

Original Trilogy

Boba Fett appears in Star Wars Episodes II, V, and VI, along with many books of varying quality and canonicity. But we'll get to those later.

We first see him in a line of bounty hunters, all of whom are apparently illustrious enough for Darth Vader to give them orders in person. Boba Fett is the one in the sweet armor equipped with more deadly widgets than Inspector Gadget has inefficient means of travel. They are hired to track down Han Solo, the likable smuggler from the first movie. The only one that is given specific instructions, however, is Boba Fett. After outlining the job, Vader adds, to Fett, "No disintegrations". That's our first clue we should watch out for this guy. Either that, or Vader has had a history of bounty hunters disintegrating random creatures and turning in an anonymous pile of dust as proof of the kill.

Han Solo and co. hide the Millenium Falcon on the back of a Star Destroyer (it doesn't have a rear view mirror) and float away when the Star Destroyer releases its massive loads of space trash. Boba Fett is apparently the only one smart enough to recognize that the Millenium Falcon is in fact not a piece of junk (despite Leia's claims to the contrary), and follows it to Cloud City, a giant top in the sky that turns out to be some sort of refinery run by a guy named Lando Calrissian.

"I mine clouds, bitch!"

"I mine clouds, bitch!"

Han Solo thinks they're friends, but apparently that is now past tense. A trap is waiting there for him, thanks to Boba Fett and the Empire. One less drug smuggler on the shipping routes.

"So, I get the princess now, right?"

"So, I get the princess now, right?"

After Han Solo is successfully captured, Fett heads off to deliver Solo (and presumably collect a second bounty) to Jabba the Hutt, a giant slug who has somehow built up a powerful crime empire that spans planets and who finds creatures that are 1/100th his weight attractive. Well, until he dumps them in a pit with a monster. Solo is now a wall decoration in Jabba's palace, and Leia and Chewbacca go to rescue him. Leia melts Solo from his carbonite shell, but is soon discovered. Chewie gets thrown in the brig and Leia gets chained up and put in a metal bikini (Woah, Star Wars, pushin' the PG).

Luke Skywalker walks in and uses his new Force magic to convince the guards to let him in (or make them unconscious), but Jabba isn't having any of it. He also throws Luke in the pit with the monster, more properly a Rancor, with no lightsaber. Luke manages to escape and a half-naked fat guy cries. However his escape does not last long, and all the good guys are stuck on Jabba's sailbarge (essentially a floating yacht) and flown out to the middle of the desert, which, could be anywhere on Tatooine. They are then made to walk the plank over a sand kraken called a Sarlacc. R2-D2 gets tired of serving drinks and shoots Luke his lightsaber. Boba Fett, currently running security for slug-man, jetpacks into the air (where else?) and begins to shoot. Luke cuts his gun in half. Han Solo is pretty much blind from being frozen for so long, and freaks out when he hears Boba Fett is there, but ends up accidentally hitting his jetpack, causing Fett to slam into the sailbarge and fall into the Sarlacc's mouth, screaming, presumably, like a wimp.

Not exactly the best way to go.

Not the best way to go.

And that's the end.

But wait...

Prequel Trilogy

This section will be brief, as Fett's appearance in it is also brief. He is only seen as a child, and not a particularly dangerous one. Lucas has a way of taking epic masked villains from his eariler movies and portraying them as annoying little children. Fett isn't too annoying as a kid, I suppose, he's just not... mysterious anymore. We do, however, get to see his father Jango brawl with Obi-Wan Kenobi, who is one of the most powerful Jedi. That's cool.

Yes, he also dies.

Yes, he also dies.

After his dad gets decapitated, Boba eventually takes up his armor and ship and goes and kills stuff for money. Origin story over.

Expanded Universe

Remember when Boba Fett fell in the Sarlacc's mouth to be digested for a thousand years? If you don't, go reread the last paragraph of the first section. Seriously.

Ok, now that we're clear on that, we may continue. Boba Fett doesn't actually die in the Sarlacc, he detonates a bomb inside of it and crawls out with most of his skin and armor melted like the badass mother fucker we all knew he was. He lays in the desert until Dengar, the dude with the turban we saw briefly in the bounty hunter line-up in Episode V, visits the wreck of Jabba's sailbarge to scavenge for treaure or something.

He notices Fett on the ground and the smoke rising from the sand-kraken's maw, and decides saving the most famous bounty hunter in the galaxy would be a good idea. So he does, but not before some more shenanigans on Tatooine, like Fett saving Dengar's girlfriend from the Sarlacc (apparently it's hard to kill), landing his spaceship Slave 1 on top of some dudes, and surviving a carpet bombing. All in his half-dead condition.

What Dengar doesn't realize, is that Boba Fett has no emotions, and that can often be perceived as being a douche. Example: Fett ends up pretty much holding Dengar and his girlfriend captive for his own motives. This kind of behavior usually results in Fett getting what he wants, without actually being a douche (Dengar and his girlfriend live happily ever after).

Boba Fett then proceeds to do other insanely badass things like kill and subsequently resurrect giant talking space spiders for the purpose of interrogation, single-handedly hijack Star Destroyers after blowing up a significant portion of the Empire's shipyards, and reuniting the Mandalorian Empire that threatened the entire galaxy a few thousand years before.

Not to be fucked with.

Not to be fucked with.

And here's the kicker: George Lucas doesn't acknowledge any of that stuff, so I guess "offically" he just is a rotting corpse in the middle of a desert that never really did anything but stand around and look cool. Oh well.