The Offspring

The Offspring is one of the most commercially successful punk rock bands to date. They have eight studio albums that span a time period of 20 years. More importantly, they kick serious ass and take steamy, plump dookies on Green Day's chest.

Just The Facts

  1. Pretty Fly (for a White Guy) reached number one on the US charts. Why Don't You Get a Job?, number two.
  2. The Offspring was originally called Manic Subsidal.
  3. The album Americana was originally supposed to be called You're Too Fat to Make Porn.
  4. Dexter Holland owns a plane named Anarchy Airlines.
  5. Before Noodles joined The Offspring, he was a janitor. He was originally accepted into the band because he was old enough to supply the members with alcohol.
  6. Greenday sucks.

"Awww fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!"- Session

THE OFFSPRING: An underrated, best-selling Californian punk rock band noted for revitalizing the genre into the mainstream, selling over 50 million albums worldwide, and for being the BAMFs that BAMFs look up to. In other words if you don't like their music you will be accused of Witchcraft, tied to an anchor, and thrown into water. If you drown you will be ripped apart by Megalodon's with giant lasers' on their heads and found guilty of bad music taste. If you float you will be found guilty of bad music taste and shot dead on the spot. You won't float.

Note: The Offspring is a band. Not the product of this:

"They'll never understand our love."

With the debut of their first two albums Self-titled and Ignition, Dexter Holland and crew were highly unnoticed. They were the Meg Griffins of the world seeking to become the Tom Tuckers. But all of a sudden in 1994, The Offspring found their golden ticket with an album that at the time, made music history for most units sold by an independent label- 16 million records. That album was SMASH. Here on out, shit got real.

"That's right, we're legit now. Not the child of some freakish interspecies experimentation...Or Meg." Read: "We really do have Megalodon's with giant lasers' on their heads."

Their next three albums, Inxay on the Hombre, Americana (in particular), and Conspiracy of One moved away from the groups political backing and took a more pop culture feel, each receiving platinum certification. They were NOT the Bieber Fever of the '90s, it was just a different approach. When you can call Big Gay Al "Big Straight Al", you can call The Offspring a boy band. So never. Such singles as "Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)" and "The Kids Aren't Alright" proved The Offspring were still on top of the punk food chain. But they were hungry for more...And hunger gets what hunger wants.

But you get none.

In 2003 The Offspring released Splinter. They continued with their sarcastic attitudes about serious situations from previous albums with issues such as drug addiction ("What Happened to You?"), road rage ("Bad Habit"), arson ("Burn It Up"), political standpoints ("Kill the President"), difficulties of youth ("The Kids Aren't Alright") and- why not?- beheadings ("Beheaded"). Similarly their signature Acapella-esque "whoas" and "heys" remained present. Two years later, like any successful band, The Offspring released a Greatest Hits album. Things were good.

"Keep up the good work."

Then in Semptember of '06, Noodles was hit by a sleep deprived truckdriver and dragged twenty miles before the vehicle exploded, killing fourteen innocent bystanders and a bald-eagle. Surprisingly, Noodles survived the accident...Only to have a artery rupture in his brain, killing him instantly.

"Oh my God..."

Oh sorry, I forgot I'm a liar. And by calling myself a liar, I'm telling the truth. And if I'm speaking the truth, I'm a liar. PARADOX.

Anyway, Noodles is indeed in healthy living. He and his fellow band mates released their eighth studio album entitled Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace in 2008. Again, the album was powerful and conveyed its message to its audience. Currently The Offspring is working on its ninth studio album, yet to be named. Though it is rumored to be getting back to its SMASH roots! \m/

Other Offspring Related Topics

My 5,7,5 Offspring Song Haiku (don't hate):

  • 80 Times, 52 Girls:
  • Bloodstains. Kick Him When He's Down:
  • Take It Like a Man.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Never listened to The Offspring before? Relax, here's a list of their best songs, chronologically by album:

  1. Self-titled (1989): Crossroads, Beheaded, Kill the President and Jennifer Lost the War.
  2. Ignition (1992): Burn It Up, Session, Take It Like a Man and L.A.P.D.
  3. SMASH (1994): ALL OF IT. ESPECIALLY Smash, Something to Believe In, Nitro and Bad Habit.
  4. Inxay on the Hombre (1996): Mota, The Meaning of Life, Gone Away, All I Want and Cool to Hate.
  5. Americana (1998): Why Don't You Get a Job?, Staring at the Sun, Pretty Fly (for a White Guy), The Kids Aren't Alright and Americana.
  6. Conspiracy Of One (2000): One Fine Day, Original Prankster, Come Out Swinging, Want You So Bad and All Along.
  7. Splinter (2003): The Worst Hangover Ever, Spare Me The Details, Never Gonna Find Me, Lightning Rod and Hit That.
  8. Rare Bonus Songs (Note: this is a bootleg, not a studio album...I think)(2004): Total Immortal, Smash It Up, Huck It and Defy You.
  9. Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace (2008): You're Gonna Go Far, Kid, Hammerhead, A Lot Like Me and Stuff is Messed Up.

If I had to pick my favorite song by them, it would be SMASH from the album SMASH. Now go out and do this

"And rock on."