Dear Customers,

I usually assume that most of us on Cracked are psychopaths who are anti-social, and I may be right. But psychopaths need to restock once in awhile, Here are a few different reactions some people may have towards the annoying PA system:

The Mall. It's a large cavern filled with hungry beasts who will stop at nothing to get their fill. It also has Mrs.Field's cookies.

If they couldn't get you with the flashy commercial, or the ridiculous number of ads in newspapers, they can always resort to large pieces of paper.

Just The Facts

  1. I don't like people.
  2. I don't like it when people tell me what to buy and why I should buy it.
  3. I don't like it when those people's voices are amplified.

1. Ignorance

So you're walking around, minding your own business, trying to figure out where someone hid the item you need when suddenly a voice comes over the PA. It's either a pre-recorded voice telling you of their awesome sales and why you should shop there more often, or it's some teenager working for some extra cash who has no idea to work the register so they're just calling for backup. You initially have no qualms with this, it's expected that you'll have to listen to someone tell you why you should buy something you don't need at least once, and you understand that those people working at the front who pick up a phone and hold it the wrong way are just trying to get by, no harm done. It's not like words have ever caused a major scandal, right?

2. Annoyance

So the first time wasn't so bad, just the store trying to get some more sales, however this one seems like it really wasn't needed, considering they just played this same recording about two seconds ago. You briefly imagine walking up to the counter and politely asking them to stop, but then you realize, that would just be stupid. You're going to be in an out of there in about 10 minutes, who cares? Besides, it's not like they would suddenly tremble beneath you and begin to spew forth apologies and excuses.

Although you do know, that if they announce one more god damn deal so that you save five cents on a twenty dollar item, you're going to lose it. Oh and you don't mean you're going to go home and blog about this with a series of vulgarity and cursing, oh no, you're going to go apeshit, and you mean it this time. Your full rage shall be unleashed and the aftermath will be biblical. It will be talked about for years, maybe even decades, possibly centuries, as the story is passed down generation after generation.

3. Complete & Utter Rage

You warned them, you warned them all. You blatantly said out loud that if they used that machine one more time, you'd lose it. Right now you can only hope that the people in the store will have enough sense to run away, because the shit's about to hit the fan. You plan it all out in your head, first your going to knock over the shelf in front of you and cause a domino effect, then you're going to absolutely destroy the P.A. system, after that you'll go to the hardware store and pick up some supplies to get the real party started. Oh these sorry souls are in for it. But before you go on your rampage, you decide to do some stretching, you don't want to pull anything in the middle of your apocalyptical hurricane of destruction.

While doing one of your low stretches, you discover that the item you have been looking for so long had been knocked off the shelf, most likely by some kid who's parent has absolutely no control over. You pick it up and realize you're done, you can finally leave! So you take your cart to the front, get your items checked out and leave, just as another announcement comes on. You smirk to yourself, they were so lucky you decided to stretch, or else they would have been looking for a new job. Yet again another example of how stretching saves lives. You can only laugh at those poor souls still stuck inside.