Wrong Number
Stupid people will believe almost anything they're told over the phone. It's how psychic hot-lines continue to exist. However, tell these same people they've dialed the wrong number and they're suddenly skeptics ...
An Appeal to Reason
Sorry there's no one here by that name.
No, this still isn't Charles.
When I said that nobody here was named Charles, I meant to imply that you had called the wrong number. I realize that's difficult to get your mind around. You dialed those numbers and pressed send fully expecting you'd be having a conversation with Charles right now. When I answered, it was like jumping into a bracing pool of not Charles.
If I were Charles, would I lie and tell you that I wasn't Charles? That doesn't sound like Charles. I can confidently say that because that's not a lie that anyone has ever told to anyone under any circumstances. Is Charles some sort of crazy person? Because if he's not, Charles would screen your call, or say he's in the middle of something. He would not answer the phone and tell you that you have the wrong number.
No, I am not Charles playing a joke on you. To be totally honest, that's not a joke anyone has ever played on anyone in the history of phones. See, us rational folk assume other people are rational as well. Charles would never jokingly tell you that you have the wrong number because he'd assume you'd do the rational thing, apologize and hang up. Then he'd have to call you back and tell you that you didn't have the wrong number, and that he was joking. You'd probably say something like, "Well, why'd you say I had the wrong number?" and then there would be an awkward pause because Charles wouldn't have a response because that's not how jokes work.
It's becoming clear to me that there is nothing more I can say to you. I could try to convince you that Charles is a figment of your imagination. That you've lost your mind and have called me every day for the past six months at this exact time asking for Charles. But you'd probably tell me that's just the sort of thing Charles would say.
So I will just hang up, and promise that if you call back, the guy who answers the phone still won't be Charles. He will however be furiously, audibly masturbating.
Not exactly a wrong number story, but here it goes anyway, because this is the internet:
ReplyIn my cubscout days, I was making calls selling popcorn for fundraising (girlscouts got a way better fundraising item, our popcorn sucks compared to their cookies). One call went to a family friend's house, and their teenage son picked up. He had been getting prank called by his girl friend and her friends all night, so he figured my high pitched voice (I was in 4th grade) was that of a girls. He then proceeded to do his best Michael Jackson voice and made insinuations that even my 9 year-old-self understood as being very, very wrong. I started crying and told my parents, who proceeded to tear him a new asshole. Needless to say, the guy apologized and bought $75 dollars worth of popcorn.
For the first six years of my life living in NZ, our flat's landline had an almost identical number to some pizzeria on the other side of the city. And for those six years, we would get calls almost every night from some drunks at a party or after watching a sports game ringing in to order massive amounts of pizza.
ReplyEventually my parents got sick of it and would pretend to take orders, then just go back to sleep.
I upvoted this and then accidentally downvoted this, my bad on that. Hilarious story
When I first got a cell phone, this number I didn't recognize kept calling once a week or so. I ignored it until one day I was home alone and finally answered it. There was opera music playing for about 30 seconds, then some guy asked me if I thought it was beautiful. I hung up immediately and have never answered a call from an unknown number since.
ReplySorry about that, but you gotta admit, it was beautiful music. we could have made such beautiful music together.
That would actually be kind of cool... in a creepy way.
Too bad that there are douches that pretend you got a wrong number because they think it's hilarious.
ReplyGreat page. I usually just ask what number I called to see if the person I tried to reach had changed numbers.
ReplyAnd then they hang up, cause they're too lazy to tell you, and you dial the number again because you don't know if you just dialed it wrong, and they pick it up and act twice as pissed off.
A few years ago a friend of mine was with her girlfriends and one of them got locked out of her house. So they attempted to call her house number so that someone could unlock the door and let the poor girl in. But it turns out they accidentally dialed the wrong number so as soon as some guy picks up the phone they realize this and hang up. Apparently he called back several times and even left a threatening voicemail about prank calling in the middle of the night.
ReplyThe old geezer was fucked up in the head or something because obviously it was the wrong number and they didn't even attempt to call back. Needless to say they were scared shitless for the rest of the night. Ha!
I was once called no less than 20 times a day for 3 days by someone running a bakery insisting i had ordered 5 dozen cupcakes from her, but had not been given a name or deposit, only a cell number, one that never called her in the past i should mention too. I told her off politely the first 3 times then started having fun, I'd pretend i was a hick beating my kids, or make gross mouth noises, tell her how badly i wanted her cupcake, waited through a long pause then said " you know, the one between your legs" I also had as many different people as possible answer when she called; a friend told her to watch out for some payback in the form or a sack of frozen cupcakes beating her ass a while.
ReplyAt least you were mature about it.
Other things wrong callers will do:
Reply"Wrong number? Do you know (insert strangers name)? I'm looking to contact him/her." No I am not a freaking operator.
OR
"But they gave me this number!" Just because they gave you a number that doesn't mean it's correct.
I had this old guy who kept looking for someone and would continue to ask me where I could find this person. And if I knew her. And why I had this number. It was really hard to stay calm and not hang up. It took 15 minutes to finally end the conversation. I also hate it when you politely inform them they have the wrong number and they just hang up on you. No "Oh! Sorry" or no "Thanks!" Nothing.
But if your number's close to theirs, you MUST know them. It's like being neighbors...
I once got called during class by some English company. I called them back and threw as many swears in as many languages as I could.
ReplyRecently a man named phil called me to inform me the main waterline had just burst in his apartment and was now flooding into the street. I told him I wasn't a maintenance guy, had just called my cell phone during class, and that he had the wrong number. Phil then called me back immeadiately thereafter and told me that the call must have disconnected and reestablished his problem. I acknowledged him politely, told him I'd get right on it and hung up. I like to imagine Phil neck deep in water still waiting for me to call back.
ReplyIt's fun to pretend...
I was once stationed at a military command whose phone number differed by ONE digit from the police station. The guys stuck on duty after hours were were forever getting calls from people wanting information on arrested friends or relatives. One man kept getting calls from someone who INSISTED that this was the police station and that he was lying about it. Next time that person called, he said, 'We took him out back and shot him.' (I'll lay odds the police station then received a visit in person.)
ReplyTip: businesses identify themselves when people call. 'Hello' means that you have reached a private home, not the pizza place, bus station, funeral parlor, sex-toy store, or wherever.
My dad taught my siblings and me to answer the phone as such when we were kids: "Hello, (surname)'s residence, this is _______." When we got older, we realized he just thought it was funny to have his kids sound like they were at a call center.
My dad did that to me too!
I once had a five minute conversation with someone who accused me of being the friend of their teenage daughter, lying to them about this being a wrong number, to cover for her because she was out at a party with boys.
ReplyI hear you out man.
Once, some dude from china called me (im asian btw) and asked us if this was the trading company or somting. He kept calling for the whole night, telling us that we have cheated him of his money and stuff.
One of the worst situations to that can result from this is when someone calls your number speaking another language. You can only assume/hope telling them in plain English words "wrong number" will stop the calls. And when it doesn't, you can only listen to a woman babbling in Cantonese until you finally just hang up. Then, they do it again.
ReplyHappened to me in the middle of the night, but in spanish. About eight repeats, and no ammount of shouting made them stop.
I hate when I answer the phone & ppl hang up without bothering to tell me they have the wrong number. "Sorry, wrong number" it's just 3 little words dammit!
ReplyThat last line made the entire article. Heh.
ReplyOk, one more before I STFU: At my old apartment (yes, I have a land line!) we'd get phone calls at all hours of the night that would only answer with a beep that repeated a few times. The phone company said it could be someone's oil tank calling what used to be the oil company's number as like an alert thing. They then said that blocking the number would be something like $20 a month. What a f*****g racket. We just kept putting up with it and finding messages on our machine that were a bunch of beeps and nothing else.
ReplyCool story bro. I heard it from Dave Barry several years ago.
I once had my mom's cell phone number one number off for some reason in my phone and texted some random dude a picture of some daffodils and said I hoped she had a good day, love, Me. Luckily he was cool about it. Even more luckily, I wasn't texting something worse to someone else.
ReplyI had a lady call me at my new place asking for someone, every Saturday for about a month. You think she'd have double-checked the number after the first two times.
ReplyApparently, all the wrong numbers I've received have been from the 1% on the left side of the chart. There was one time when I answered the phone an the person on the other end didn't identify herself or say my name, just started talking about some kind of storm we'd just had.
ReplyMy favorite was when I answered the phone, was asked "who is this?" and when I said my name, I was told "No it isn't."
ReplyYou are not who you think you are. DUN DUN DUUUN.