Lions

About the king, and douche bag of the jungle (or more correctly, the savanna grasslands)

Just The Facts

  1. Lions are awesome.
  2. Male lions sometimes kill lion cubs for sex which usually only last about 8 seconds, making them worse fathers than alcoholics in oversize tank tops.
  3. Japanese lions are able to combine into a giant robot.
  4. Lions are the original creator of mullets, this is why the band "White Lion" named themselves after them.

Male Lions

Although they're often called "king of the jungle", and a symbolic figure for power, strength, heroic e.t.c, male lions actually don't live in the jungle, and they generally act like really lazy and grumpy old men. Even though they're still extremely dangerous, lions would much prefer lying on their ass and watch TV in a dimly lighted room somewhere over being heroic, kinda like Kungfu fighting monks, but with much more hair

...kinda

Although they sometimes hunt, most of the male lion's daily chores include sleeping, eating food caught by the lionesses, protecting his territories and fucking his women.... he's basically living the man's dream.

The hardest and most dangerous part of his chores is defending his territories. The average male lion only lives up to a maximum of 15 years in the wild from getting killed, wounded, or kicked out of territory after a battle.

"Im too old for this shit"

Since male lions are grumpier than a Korean War vet Clint Eastwood, they hate having lion cubs around (much like how a Korean War vet Clint Eastwood hates Asian kids and their turfwars). Once a male lion takes over another lion's territory, he would proceed to kill all of the old lion's cubs, and then go right into making new ones. Fearing that some other species will attempt to take their proud title of "World's Worst Dads", and being the horny creatures that they are, the male lions would kill their cubs whenever he wanted sex (since the lionesses doesn't like to "do it" when there're children around).

And how much sex does the lion get from all this you ask? ..... 8 fucking seconds of humping... im sure it was worth it.

life of a male lion is hard work

Lionesses

If they weren't so vicious, a lioness would make the perfect wife. She brings you food, takes care of the kids, and gives you endless 8 seconds sex. Now multiply that by 10, because thats how many lionesses a lion can have.

That lucky bastard

Lionesses are almost the exact opposite of the male lions; they're very hardworking, great hunters and they know teamwork.

The lionesses are known as one of the best hunters in Africa because they like to work in pact during their hunts; we like to think they do so all the while gossiping about how Sasha from the next territory totalleh kissed Ken at teh parteh last Friday~. They also have extremely smart and complicated game plans for hunting.

here's a comically badly photoshopped picture of lionesses' gameplan

Here's a comically badly photoshopped image of a lioness' game plan,

Lion Cubs

Despise what they'll grow into, lion cubs will make you say "DAWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

"DAWWWWWWWWW"

Famous Lions

Lion in a Chinese circus - Famous for riding a horse

Fucking awesome

Lion from the Wizard of Oz- Famous for being the first (stereotypical) homosexual lion

Fucking pussy

Lions from Disney's "Lion Kings"

I assume your childhood views of lions has been destroyed after this article