Drunk Teleporting

After a night out partying hard, or just sitting in your bedroom and crying to yourself with alcohol to accompany your bitter loneliness, the fastest and quickest way home is to travel through time and space....

Just The Facts

  1. It is possible to travel through time and space.
  2. There are side effects though, such as nausea, headache, and possibly an STD.
  3. It is very cheap although the fuel required (alcohol) can be costly.
  4. Sometimes money can be lost in the wormhole as you speed faster than a ray of light through other dimensions to your final destination.

What is it?

Drunk teleporting is the fastest way to travel back from a party, bar or club. If there is alcohol present, then drunk teleporting is perfectly possible and simple to do. You need a lot of fuel to perform it and that fuel is alcohol. Oh shit, what a coincidence, you are somewhere with lots of alcohol!

In fact, most people probably have drunk teleported before. Remember when you were at said party, bar or club and then you wake up back in your bedroom? Congratulations, you are a master of both time and space! You know that the side effects are quite painful, so as a weary traveller, spend the day resting.

Ohhh... yeah, I remember that night. That was crazy!

I arrived in my/a bedroom with someone else in the bed!

Occasionally you may cross paths with a fellow manipulator of inter-dimensional physics and go to one of your destinations together. Some even believe that you sometimes pass through a portal to either heaven, picking up a godly beauty; purgatory, picking up a normal being which you can't complain about; or hell, where you are given a demon spawn.

I woke up with something far worse than that....

If you are lucky (or unlucky) enough for this to have happened then check your genitals for anything that should not be there. Just to be safe. You do not want to go spreading that shit around. Or if you are perverted enough to want to do that then please don't....

How safe is it?

A lot of people do it but obviously that doesn't mean that it is perfectly safe. Just like everything else you want to do it in moderation. Having said that drunk teleporting in moderation itself is not really the best idea. Drunk teleporting too much can lead to

  • liver disease
  • heart disease
  • stroke
  • cancer
  • depression
  • loss of memory
  • impaired judgement
  • violence
  • domestic abuse

Now obviously that all really sucks. So you want to be careful.


Blame this guy. But he is the one that gets girls naked and horny.