Hollywood Undead

Hollywood Undead is a rock/rap/hip-hop/jazz/pop/metal band from New Jersey. No, we're just kidding, could you imagine? The band is internet famous, and have since managed to get a record deal.It is rumoured they are demon clowns.

Back in 2005

Now

Just The Facts

  1. They create music by shoving random CDs in a blender.
  2. A lot of the time it's actually pretty good.
  3. The band currently consists of a druggie, a druggie, a druggie, a druggie, and a druggie/Mexican.

Who is Hollywood Undead?

Hollywood Undead is a Mexican folk band from California that consists of 7 6 5 members. There are 2 former members who left/got kicked out/was impregnated by Gary Busey.


They're going to have great kids.

The band first gained success on the internet when they released their song 'We r P-I-M-P-Z' on myspace. However as far as success went, they were the Pruane2forever of internet music. They were frequently made fun of, which ultimately evolved into one of the largest internet memes ever, known as audio derp. In short, audio derp was simply taking a Hollywood Undead, which was only one at the time, and interjecting random derp sounds into it. I only lasted for approximately 20 minutes, making it the fastest dying trend ever, beating out Heelies, Silly bands and attaching fake teeth to your backpack.


R.I.P 1925-1925

Deuce


The face of cool.

Despite being the first member mentioned, he was actually kicked out of the band for being a douche creative differences. He started a super fun band with his bestest of best friends J-Dog in the first grade. They kept their street names ever since. When he turned 12 he started a Mexican folk band, again including his super duper double deluxe edition best friend J-Dog. They decided to bring along Charlie Scene, Johnny Three Tears, Da Kurlzz and some guy that smokes pot to play with them.


Hollywood Undead, the early years.

One day they discovered the internet and girls and they finally had stuff to write about. When they became 'big', Deuce took advantage of the scenario to launch his hilariously bad rap career.


HE CAN BUMP IT LIKE HE'S BLACK!

Shortly afterwards, him and Johnny Three Tears (seen below) started to have a feud as to who actually wrote their songs, as neither of them were entirely sure. This quickly escalated into J3T selling their songs to some random band under the condition that he is somehow involved with the song. Shortly after, Deuce's name was removed from the band's roster. While nobody knows for sure, there are three popular theories.

1. He left because he didn't want to put up with this shit.

2. He was kicked out because he didn't want to put up with this shit.

3. He was knocked up by Gary Busey because he didn't want to put up with this shit.


I think I already used that joke.

Regardless of the reason, Deuce is no longer with the band, and now he bumps it with his new band 9lives.

Johnny Three Tears


The face of butterfly freedom.

Johnny Three Tears (J3T for short) is another member of Hollywood Undead. J3T is a ghetto gangsta fresh rapper from Cali. Before joining Hollywood Undead and Jersey Undead, Johnny was once a butterfly collector, which is the reason he has those gay ass really cool butterflies on his stupid mask. Halfway through his experiments, he was bitten by a radioactive butterfly which ultimately caused him to make shitty shitty music for the rest of his life.

[Segment Removed Due to Racial Undertones]

After the car chase with Carrot Top, Johnny decided that archeology was too dangerous and decided to continue pursuing his musical career instead. About 3 months later, J3T met J-Dog at a beef jerkey factory in Idaho. J3T told him about his musical aspirations and J-Dog told him to fuck off, and thus their friendship was born. After stalking J-Dog for several months, he was finally introduced to Deuce. They decided to let him into the band on one condition, that he be forced to wear a dinky mask so they would never be seen with him. Later they found two homeless people named Funny Man and Shady Jeff, and allowed them into the band also.


Funny Man and Shady Jeff before Hollywood Undead and skin bleaching.

Since they were homeless, they forced them to wear masks as well. In attempt to get the group to bond, Johnny brought the other members of the band to an orgy in Nevada. However when only 2 other guys showed up, the orgy became a failure. Out of guilt, they allowed the other two people, Charlie Scene and Da Kurlzz, to join the band. However, they too were forced to wear masks. After realizing they were in the minority, Deuce and J-Dog started wearing masks too.

Charlie Scene


What the hell is this thing in front of my face?

By now, you obviously know that Charlie is the pimp/private detective of the group. When he's not busy giving bitches the pimp hand, he is frequently scene (ha ha, scene) solving mysteries with Garfield and taking long walks on the beach. His most famous mystery was the case of George P. Burdell and why he's still been alive for this long. After discovering the man didn't actualy exist, he became inspired to play guitar despite the fact there was no connection between the two incidents.


However, it is assumed that Alberto Del Rio is somehow involved.

After learning guitar, he met up with Shady Jeff in attempt to create a super band. However this did not succeed by any means he fucking failed! Despite his name, Charlie Scene is currently the only member of Hollywood Undead to use a stage name. Although this contradicts what I previously said, it's still true. Thankfully, a research lab has compiled the greatest scientists in the world in an attempt to discover his real name. While there are no garuntees, they have nailed down possible names to the following.

-Crispin Glover

-Terry Crews

-Carrot Top

-Yusuf

He has been quoted as saying "My name is something awesome! I will never tell you!", well that's what I assume that he said because he didn't return my calls. However after following him to church, he told me his name was Jordan Terall, but I don't believe him. Looks like I'm going to have to wait outside a certain somebody's window, again.

J-Dog


It is rumoured J-Dog invented his own shocker fingers of death.

J-Dog grew up in Sacremento with the dreams of being a ballet dancer, but luckily, he discovered how to play the piano and decided to do that instead. After discovering that rap and piano go hand in hand, he decided to start a band with his bestest of best friends of all time Deuce, and the rest is history.

Recently he was responsible for writing a new song called 'Coming Back Down', which if you're a 90s boy band would be a pretty good song. However, if you're a hardcore rap-rock band, then it's total bull shit. I could've made an easy quire joke, but integrity is cool, Da Kurlzz taught me that.

Funny Man


It is rumoured Funny Man invented his own J-Dog shirt.

Of all the people in Hollywood Undead, Funny Man is without a doubt, the most high at all times. Now, I know you think "Hey, that guy is probably hilarious", well no, he's not, so get your head out of your ass. Despite his stupidity, Funny Man is also very political. It is rumoured that he supports marijuana legalization, higher minimum wage, and the Canadian spelling of his favourite words.


The Canadians are yet to respond to this issue.

Before being hired as a homeless person by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg to progress the apocalypse, Funny Man worked as a cook in New York. In the summer of 2003, he met Shady Jeff at bowling alley downtown. They bonded over ther love for bowling and became good friends. About 7 months later, they discovered there was a bowling championship in California. They decided to form a team between the two of them. They made it to the final 12 out of 12 and they bet all their money they would win the championship. Unfortunately for them, this happened.

Due to official bowling rules, slipping results in an immediate disqualification, thus causing Funny Man and Shady Jeff to lose all their money. Without any way of getting back to New York, they were forced to work as homeless people in California. While sitting in an alley way, Funny Man started rapping about how much life in the gutters sucks. After getting really into it, Funny Man and Shady Jeff were shortly after arrested for public nudity and finally had a place to sleep that night. After discovering they both enjoyed rapping and being naked, they decided to pursue making music. Shortly after they met Deuce, J-Dog and J3T, and their dream was born.

Da Kurlzz


He looks like such a sweetheart.

As explained earlier, Da Kurlzz met everybody else in the band at an orgy, but what was he doing before then? It is completely unknown, in fact, many people believe he was born only days prior to the orgy, as there is no record of him existing before hand. It is better to discuss his current standing in the group. Da Kurlzz is the butt of basically every joke made by anybody in the band.


WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND NO FRIENDS? DA KURLZZ!

However, this doesn't mean Da Kurlzz is the least cool member of Hollywood Undead, quite the opposite in fact. Da Kurlzz is quite literally the coolest member of the band.


Word Up!

Despite how much he is made fun of by his band mates, he is still in the band. In order help others with their cool factor, Da Kurlzz teaches cool lessons to the homeless, because he's just that cool.

Shady Jeff


I'm not positive this is him, but I'm positive this guy is way cooler.

Shady Jeff left the band before they got famous. That's about it.

EDIT: I still don't know anything about him.

Danny Boy


Danny Boy with some homeless guy.

After Deuce did whatever, they had to replace him with somebody. Da Kurlzz suggested they hold a singing audition, however he was completely brushed off and they instead went to a club and kidnapped anybody in line. After surving a deadly game of Connect Four, Danny Boy came out the winner. He was also a pretty good singer, which was an added bonus.

Other than that, we don't know anything about him. Actually no, he was on American Idol, that's funny, right? I bet Simon was all like "You're Fired!" and Danny was all gay...fat...stupid.

Shit, I better change that later.