Why Kids Today Aren't Getting Laid

Why is it so hard for the kids to get a little fucky sucky these days? The factors are numerous, but there's only one bottom line... Lack of effort.

Jesus, Kids Today... I'm TELLIN Ya.

Just The Facts

  1. If you were born before the year 1987, You lost your virginity before the year 2000.
  2. If you were born after the year 1987, You couldn't lose your virginity in a high speed car chase with Tony Stewart at the wheel.
  3. Not surprisingly, kids born after 1987 HATE this particular topic page.
  4. Guys used to bust their ass to get some ass... Nowadays they bust their ass to fit into their tight jeans.
  5. High school used to be a contest to see who could screw their brains out the most. Now it's nothing more than a glorified fashion show.

Why Aren't More Kids Today Gettin Laid?

Excellent question, virgin boy! You're in luck... well, not in the sense of me being able to get you laid. You're still S.O.L. there, buddy. But I can answer your question.

The answer is a simple one: Too much emphasis is put on image, and not enough effort is being put into bagging the neematoad.

Somewhere between the class of 2000 and the present day there seemed to be an explosion of trendiness, manscaping, metrosexuality and all around meekness that clutched the student body with such a cold, unrelenting death-grip that most high schoolers wont be getting ANY student body until well into their college years. I went to high school in a simpler time. When the guys actually dressed like guys and we were far too busy scraping up the cash to take a girl to the movies to be concerned with how well we could play a Good Charlotte song on a tiny plastic guitar with half of our hair in our pimply faces.

Back in the late 90's high school was pretty much where everyone lost their virginity. You had to be a total dingus not to be able to stick it in somebody by the time you were walking in step to "Pomp & Circumstance" with a ridiculous looking square hat on. It was just the way of the world back before 9/11 came along and airport security as well as freshman vaginas really stepped up their security.

To end the curse that has plagued teenagers so hard these days that your average high school has more virgins than suicide bomber heaven, and be able to get laid before you can legally buy the cigarettes you'll need afterwards, you need to simply follow one golden rule:

Look in the mirror. If you see anything about your appearance that would embarass the living shit out of a guy who actually has seen a labia in it's natural habitat and not just 4chan, GO CHANGE YOUR OUTFIT.