Mark Zuckerberg

Mark Zuckerberg is the creator of the procrastination engine Facebook. His favorite hobby is being the creepiest man/child on the web.

Just The Facts

  1. Mark Zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire in the world.
  2. There is a movie being made of his college experience.
  3. He must be stopped.


On May 14th 1984 in the belly of a whale Mark Zuckerberg was born to a virgin woman. [citation needed] He drifted all the way to Dobbs Ferry, New York where he was adopted by a young Jewish couple.

When the time came for Mark to be shipped off to college the choice was clear, Harvard. After turning down programming jobs at AOL and Microsoft he apparently decided to rub his fat brain in your face once more. Once at Harvard he joined Alpha Epsilon Pi, a Jewish fraternity which still stands to confuse anyone who isn't Jewish.


On February 4th, 2004, from his Harvard dorm room, Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook. The social networking site that would open up a whole new awkward form of communication with your mother.

The original intention of Facebook was to connect students with each other and to post those pictures of Carol from last night, yeah bro, you know what I'm talking about.

Since 2004 it's all been downhill for Facebook. The age restriction for Facebook is 13. But millions of 12 year olds have found a very easy way around this by simply stating they were born in the year of our queen 1890. With the rise of children on Facebook apparently their spelling habits have rubbed off with numerous posts stating "HEY GUUUYZ:) AT THE DOKTERZ OFICE. TXT ITT UPPP :)" I'm afraid I've just caused myself physical pain by fabricating that status update.

"The Social Network"

There is currently a highly dramatized movie being made based on Mark Zuckerberg's life titled "The Social Network". Mark Zuckerberg is being portrayed by a man child much more appealing than himself, Jesse Eisenberg.

The film includes the creation and downfall(?) of Facebook. Also Justin Timberlake takes Jesse Eisenberg to a strip club and offers him billions of dollars to presumably "Bring Sexy Back" with him.