USA Basketball

Basketball. It's not America's sport and it's not football but it's a close third in American atheletics. Basically you throw a ball through a hoop with a few other side rules added on.

SUCK IT! Seriously.

Whow! He's white!

Warning: Do not attempt at home, you will not succeed and most likely wind up in the emergency room.

Just The Facts

  1. The USA has the best basketball teams in the world.
  2. The Team USA has won 13 Olympic Gold Medals since basketball was added in 1936.
  3. You must be black and at least 6'6" in order to play basketball in the USA.


The NBA sucks. Basketball is a great sport that the NBA has nearly ruined. It used to be good before nearly every player became 7 feet tall and could dunk without even jumping, and the few players who aren't 7 feet tall can make any shot from everywhere which just makes the game boring. Now one player dribbles down the court, never passes, shoots an outrageous shot or goes straight to the rim because no one plays defense. This is why the NBA is horrible.Evil in it's purest form

College Basketball

Awesome. College rocks but it is very slowly becomeing like the NBA, but for the present time things are still good. People pass the ball and most teams actually play defense! College basketaball also has another collosal event going for it: March Madness. March Madness is a 65 team tournament of all the best college teams in the country. It's several days of watching great college basketball, which is almost as good as several days of watching great college girl porn.

High School Basketball

High School basketball is better than the NBA but worse than College. It's jsut kinda slow and people usually can't dunk or do much right at all unless of course you make it to state. So for the most part it's pretty boring.

Michael Jordan

Yes he is so awesome that he gets his own section in this article. Most experts say he's the best basketball player ever but a few disagree. To all you who disagree, go suck Michael Jordans big, black cock! He could do it all, he is considered one of the best defenders and shooters to ever play the game and he was Mr. Clutch. However, he is most remembered for being able to dunk his ass off! It has been scientifically proven that just watching MJ throw one down causes people to instantly ejaculate while still soft. He is the Brett Favre of basketball in several regards: He is the best player ever at his sport, he officially retired three times, and he played into his 40's. He played for the Bulls, who he led to 6 titles, most of his career, but his last few seasons were with the wizards.I would not want to be that ball right now

Team USA

Just hearing the words "Team USA" stikes fear into the hearts of any professional basketball player who does not play for Team USA, mostly because the team wins, and they win hard. Here's a scenario for you describing how much better Team USA is than everyone else in the world. Say there's this girl and both Charlie Sheen and some nobody super nerd like her, who do you think gets the girl? Of course the answer is Charlie Sheen, he's already banged her 4 times and gotten a threesome with her and Scarrlett Johanson before super nerd even gets up the guts to talk to her, this is because Charlie Sheen is a badass ladies mad and super nerd is well a super nerd. Team USA is Charlie Sheen and they rape every other teamin the world hands down beacuse they are all black, badass, and 7 feet tall. The only time in recent memory where they haven't destroyed everything in there path like an elphant on steroids is in 2004 when they took third in the olympics. So basically for the most part Team USA KICKS ASS!