Youth Group

Youth groups: bad singing, social outcasts, and acoustic guitar.

This is a very serious chart.

Just The Facts

  1. All youth groups are led a twenty year-old seminary student with an acoustic guitar.
  2. The leader plays contemporary Christian music.
  3. This music is terrible.

Youth Groups: A Brief Background

Youth groups are a honored tradition at your typical church. It is a known fact that no church is allowed to form without some sort of activity that they can ship all the dirty teenagers off to, in order to give the parents more time to balance their checkbooks, or have sex.

It's really only one or the other.

The Youth House

The youth house. Sometimes this house is nothing other than an old broom cupboard shoved in the back of the sanctuary, while other times it's an actual home that lies somewhere between "crack house" and "hole in the ground" on the scale of liveability.

This is considered "nice."

More often than not, the house is equipped with a ping pong table (missing the paddles), a pool table (missing one to two legs), and a TV that hasn't been turned on since the Reagan era. Thus, it is deemed the perfect place to house angst-filled teenagers and tweens who will have fun complaining about the interior.

Basically youth leaders deal with this all day.

The Youth Leader

Every youth group needs a leader. By law, this leader must be a white male seminary student in his 20s to 30s who owns an acoustic guitar. Actual singing or musical ability is not required.John Mayer was a youth leader in his younger days.

John Mayer was a youth leader in his younger days.