Cycling basically consists of a cycle or "bike" and someone or multiple people sitting on it and kicking on the pedals. The average bike is used to transport yourself from A to B just like a car does, but then slower.

In certain places loads of people drive trough dark caves on their bikes.

Just The Facts

  1. A normal biker almost never exceeds the speed of 20 km/h.
  2. This makes them useless when compared to anything with an engine.
  3. People ride bikes to stop the environmental change as they don't expel gasses.
  4. Children who ride bikes tend to think that producing their own gasses makes them go faster.
  5. Bikes pollute more then motorcycles.

History of the bike.

As mankind grew tired of walking everywhere, being driven anywhere by carriage or being carried everywhere while sitting on a chair a problem was born.

And when there is such a serious problem, someone has to solve it.

Pictured: Karl Drais inventor of the walk bike. A genius he is.

As the first bike was nothing more then two weels and an uncomfortable seat it wasn't exactly popular,

in fact only Karl's boss was an enthusiast and he got permission to improve his idea.

See how we got pretty much back to the point we came from, in 93 years.


Even in that time people agreed that the walk bike was pretty shitty, and as it was popular in France some Frenchman called Pierre Michaux added pedals to make it go faster.

However as he was French his improvement was extremely minor, he forgot to attach a chain and instead used a mixture of camembert cheese and raunchy wine to attach

the pedals directly to the wheel.

And as everyone here on cracked knows because we've all finished high elementary school physics we know that this is not an efficient way to transmit applied ground kick force.

As a result the bikes where still pretty damn slow.

To address this newfound problem (gears did not exist yet) people came up with the idea to increase the front wheel size.

As increasing the wheel size should be no problem when the only kind of road you encounter is smooth asphalt however mid victorian England did not have asphalt.

After all they where unable to invent bicycle chains let alone being able to pave a road instead of pounding on horse shit until it resembles a road or something.

Then out of the blue people invented rubber tires filled with air instead of moar rubber and applied a chain to the rear wheel.

The modern bike was born.

Usage of a modern bike.

Nowadays bike have approximately the same amount of moving parts that your toaster has and it's technology is (as written above) even less advanced.

Today even midgets have their own bikes, sadly they often get stolen in the name of "art"

Driving a bike nowadays is mostly pedaling your way around, and when the need arises changing your gear.

In modern city's in which most of the bikes are found you often find special bike lanes to help you get around faster.

Sadly even with these lanes and 93 years of development almost noone exceeds the 20 km/h and traffic lights still apply to you.

Why should i buy a bike + user review.

I own a bike and frequently use it, although i have a motorcycle i still use my bike for 2 goddamned hours everyday.

Why this is the case i hear you wondering, line after line of orating in which i pinpoint the exact flaws of the bike and yet you don't get around motorised.

  • I'ts money people nothing less, nothing more.
  • Bikes tend to break quite a few times luckily 90% of all problems is solved within 10 minutes and within the 10 euro food budget for the upcoming week.
  • Also they don't use gas, they don't need insurance, they get stolen but that can be easily prevented or (just as easy) a new one can be borrowed.
  • Being high on a bike is not illegal.

As the world is either poor or wants to save money on everything bikes are still pretty popular.

Where i live bikes outnumber the amount of people living in the country. In fact 14 million people own 18 million bikes on a population of 16 million.

Apparently bikes exist to save you money and to save the planet, but one is not enough to own.

As this does not make any sense there obviously is only one real reason people should buy a bike

So Les Stroud can salvage it and make a fucking water bottle out of it. Because that is it's true purpose.