Skirts

In a world of fashion and trend setting, new aged skinny jeans and vnecks. Our society has one particular clothing item that has been a sexual burden for all men alike. If your wearing one or just checking out the passing legs.

Also worn by your grandfather when he goes on the hunt...

The type of chap you don't fuck with (probably Shawn Connery)

The skirt a brief history

The skirt is one of the longest worn article in the fashion world. The defining factor of the female attire and showed off those pair of walking sticks men are so drawn to. They started off sure as a loin cloth men and women both sharing this garment as an everyday functioning piece to hide "the goods". Even though skirts are mainly present today worn by the woman a look back in history shows some of the most bad ass of men wore these garments like a true champion. Romans, Greeks, Scottsmen, and the ever so insane Mel Gibson (Brave Heart). The skirt was almost a staple in attire back in the day, but the here and now has presented some remarkable new issues and exciting ways of exploiting this outfit.

The Trouble

With necessity comes inginuity is ever so prevelant in this case scenario with garment control if you will. The skirt at some point in time has become an issue among women. Why you ask? Well that can be answered by my genius fairly easy. See the skirt is open at the bottom like a half wrapped present at Christmas time or your birthday. Some men have noticed this and became quite intrigued as to what exactly is there? Well here comes the spoiler alert folks. You already know!!! So what am I getting at? Upskirting.. This is the act of taking innocent tools such as the retractable mirrors on poles used for looking under cars, or the camera of a cell phone and putting below the unsuspecting skirt wearer and checking out the bussiness. Disgusting.... There was so many cases in the earlier 2000's that it made headline news like it was a new trend. Indeed it was for some folks. Although I'm sure it started at the schools where the kids in highschool have to wear a uniform and the girls prodomanitly wore skirts. You know the schools were a strong Christian family sent there younglings so they would have a better education. The schools were teachers would smash your fingers with a mallet for chewing gum I don't want to name drop but you get it, right?

Men and Skirts

Most of you know from reading so far that some of the most hardcore gents of our generation wore this garment with no worry of remark. This is very true unless he was Screech with pubes for hair and legs of that resembling a giraffe. Yes, the great Roman empire took over most of Europe at one time in skirts. Think about that happening today some guys roll up to your country and start running shit in skirts. These guys knew something that we don't. I put money that if our soldiers dressed up as skirted men they'd be agile to boot and intimidating as a lion towering over a zebra calf. Nobody in there right mind would say to the skirted beast go piss in the wind. I mean think about it the guys thrown in the Colisseum to battle lions and bears and such weren't used to dressing up in a skirt. They were probably shit scared to fight the beasts sure, but they were probably more worried of a sudden gust of wind to show how truly scared they were. Which I'm going to take a stab at it and say it gave them that much needed adrenaline rush to pull off the one strike one kill get me the hell out of here before anyone sees my ding (short for ding-dong or dingaling).

To Conclude

Skirts although seemingly problamatic at brief moments throughout history are still a garment of wonder and beauty. Though it is troublesome I'm sure to be a drunken hollywood celebrity trying to get into your car that you don't think about being lady like and also forget the all assuming unimportant wearing of underwear. Skirts can also be the determining factor of how truly manly you and were others hold you on the scale of being lumberjack or that of 40 year old virgin. I stand by this and think that the gorillas beating the hell out each other in MMA should dawn a new outfit of badassery. Put Wanderlei Silva in a skirt and see how many guys go into the bar to watch the fight in skirts. I'm starting a revolution here. WHO'S WITH ME!?