KISS is those four guys in costumes that blow shit up on stage, and pretend not to serve the DEVIL but secretly do so in secret.

Notice rays of pure evil emerging from Gene  Simmons' long, sensual tongue

Just The Facts

  1. Kiss is a hard-rock band formed in New York in December 1972 by Satan
  2. the band 'claims' they chose the name Kiss because they wanted a name that sounded "sexy, but dangerous"
  3. Kiss is the devil

The True Truth about KISS

KISS, as everyone who hasn't been polluted by the devil's smooth, sexual touch knows, stands for "Knights in Satan's Service" (or, possibly, "Knights in Service to Satan"), and subsists entirely on a mix of dangerous, illegal drugs*, baby's blood, and pure, unrefined liquid Satan.

A lesser known FACT is that KISS is the most BLASPHOMILICIOUS band of all time, worth at least 1000 mega-Rowlings (the prefered measure of pure evil, one Rowling being something equally as demented and twisted as Harry Potter, a million mega-Rowlings being approximately as evil as holding hands in public/showing skin below the neck line).

How then, did this SATANIC SUPERGROUP form? Consider the evidence:

1. Gene Simmons has a giant tongue.
2. Gene Simmons dresses up like a demon
3. Costumes
4. Rock music is LITERALLY the DEVIL

The only logical, sane conclusion therefore is:

Rock music, which is LITERALLY the DEVIL, spawned GENE SIMMONS himself who later raised other demons or KIDNAPPED innocent musicians and by SPEAKING BACKWARDS brainwashed them into becoming his SATANIC MINIONS (in Satan's service).

Also, seriously, Catman? The Fox? Starchild?

I dunno if there's any more DAMNING EVIDENCE, there's something seriously wrong with that.


*This is an assumption, don't all EVIL muscians suck drugs?

The 'Other' 'Story'

See the wikipedia page, even though it's full of lies and deceit and I didn't read any, most the unimportants parts of it. I'd link to it, but I don't even want to INDIRECTLY corrupt the RESPLENDANT PURITY of this TOPIC PAGE.

I think they live in Detroit, or something? Where they spend time destroying things with explosions (mostly the innocent). I'm pretty sure they're responsible for every evil to ever befall anyone ever, and would change the wikipedia page to reflect that fact if they hadn't banned me years ago for my constant, insane and politically insensitive edits political reasons.