Mini Pop Kids

Hey, everyone! Ever wanted to hear your favourite mainstream hits sung by off-key, prepubescent children? If you said no, congratulations! You're not crazy! If you said yes... God help you, this is the CD you want.

Screw heavy metal, THIS is Satan's music!

Just The Facts

  1. The first CD of K-tel's Mini Pops was released upon an unsuspecting globe somewhere in the 1980s.
  2. They later resurged earlier in the new millenium, complete with a new collection of "hits."
  3. It sucks. The end.

...No It Isn't, Who ARE the Mini Pop Kids?

The copycat Canadian sister of the American franchise Kidz Bop (which has more CDs, however which one sucks worse is debatable) this collection of about 7 CDs consists of nothing more than the songs you already know and download, except they're being sung by young children.

Like this, but with Ke$ha.

...That's it, you're asking? Yes, that is absolutely it. This collection has nothing more to contribute to society than recycled songs sung by kids who haven't hit puberty. You could get the same effect by a busload of 5th graders screeching the "I Know A Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves" song over and over again (and it's about as entertaining as that, too)

The new faces of today's music.

The Music

Well, the executives regarding the Mini Pop Kids follow an intricate formula for each album, taking what they know about the music business, customer service, and the science of creating a product the whole family can enjoy.

...In other words, Mainstream chart-topper + Group of kids = $$$

SCIENCE!!!!!

If you thought that decision was stupid, take a moment to consider the songs they sing, as I give you a list of some of the songs they sing, from their various CDs:

  1. Love Story - Taylor Swift
  2. That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings
  3. See You Again - Miley Cyrus

Not a bad list, albeit the songs are annoying. They seem alright enough for kids to sing. Let's continue:

  1. Circus - Britney Spears
  2. 4 Minutes - Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake
  3. Poker Face - Lady Gaga

...ok, we are sort of venturing into dangerous territory with these picks. I question some of the content in these songs, but other than that I guess it isn't so bad. There's still a possiblility of these references sailing over kids' heads. At least they're not-

  1. California Gurls - Katy Perry
  2. Tik Tok - Ke$ha

...Are you serious? You've literally got kids singing about "daisy dukes" and "brushing their teeth with bottles of Jack?" Are you record executives high, or something?!

THIS is what we're paying for.

And the sad thing is, apart from skipping over the occasional "swear," they don't change the lyrics. During my research, I've had the utter misfortune of listening to these gems, and they keep the lyrics intact. Yeah. This brings up two problems:

1. Hey, parents, you know those songs on the radio? The ones you don't want your kids listening and singing along to? Well, worry not, because there's a CD marketed to kids with kids singin' the exact same fucking song! Isn't it great when all your hard work parenting goes down the drain?

2. Considering it's the same song anyways, why would you waste the money in listening to the grade school pageant version of the song when you could just listen to the original song? Considering it's everywhere as it is and downloading and Youtube use are on the rise, is there really any use for this CD?

Honestly, it's a conflict of interest, the only people who would waste any money on this shit franchise are parents, for their kids, but recently the songs on the CDs aren't for fucking kids! Today's liberal amounts of stupidity utterly astounds me.

They look like geniuses in comparison.

The Kids...

...are interchangable. Nobody knows their names, and if you do, congratulations, either you're 12 years old or you really don't have a life (or both). Forget the fact that usually there's only one other ethnicity on the CD...

The sideways baseball cap makes you look even whiter.

...and focus on how desperate these kids are for a big break, and how their not getting one anytime soon. It's almost heartbreaking, thinking about how far away from fame they are. Then you remember they are singing with the Mini Pop Kids and the hate settles in all over again.

You chose your fate.

Customer Reviews (Don't Worry, You Don't Have To Read Them All)

I know what you're thinking: "Why should I take this basket case's opinion to heart?" Well, you no longer have to just take my word for it, listen to these happy customers review their latest purchases!:

(The following reviews are from Amazon.com, we can only guess it's because nobody else would listen to these CDs long enough to comment)

  • 1.0 out of 5 stars please don't buy this
a major conglomerate trying to get omney by making you believe that this cd is actually for kids, guess what? IT'S NOT!

This compact disc is a waste of anyone's money, do yourself a favor, record your kids singing some kids song instead of buying this.

  • 1.0 out of 5 stars Grotesque, Miscreant, Putrid Worthless Trash, Jan 7 2007
By Jake "Jake" (Guelph, Ontario, Canada) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Mini Pop Kids (Audio CD)

Putrid, insipid, worhtless, stinking, horrid trash.

These are some songs by current popular mainstream pop artists sung by children whos voices cannot even be helped by miraculous studio technology. This is the equivalent of every pre-teen agnst movie, where the main conflict is why Jimmy has a crush on Sarah instead of Susan, and every horrid, commercialized, biased Old Navy commercial rolled into one, toned down 3 or 4 years.

What, may I ask ANYONE, is the appeal of a 13 year old boy rapping lyrics that he doesn't know the meaning of? I guess since his baseball cap his backwards, he's actually cool.

Little girls singing Britney Spears, anyone? Parents, just ask your children to sing these songs for you for FREE, and hear three times the talent!

This is truely a disgusting, horrible, annoying, rubbish, rotted, stinking heap of rancid garbage.

(P.S: If you ever see the street-tough rapping kid, punch him in the nose for me! I'll do the same for you.)

...powerful words. The only good review was a woman who said her kids liked it, but then again some people also like Nickelback.

...I think.

Conclusion?

Fuck. This. Shit. Honestly, it sucks this has to exist. The fact that the songs are terrible for kids to be singing anyways, and the utter uselessness of the idea is enough to turn anyone off of these stupid CDs. The only people who should be buying this openly are confused elderly people standing in the checkout aisle, buying it under the delusion that "The grandkids will love this!"

The face of crazy.

In reality, I guess some people find joy in this for a... reason, because they're still making these. Meh, however people want to waste money is up to them. Besides, worse things have been produced.

I told you so.