Calgary Flames

The Calgary Flames are an NHL club located in Calgary, Alberta. Which is somewhere in Canada.

This is the Flames new jersey for the Heritage Classic. Not pictured: the man holding Curtis Glencross's family at gunpoint until the photoshoot is over.

Why yes! Black people DO play hockey. And one is the Flame's Captain!

This is Darryl Sutter. He is the Flames GM. He is horrible at his job. But then, how often would a successful GM have that expression?

Just The Facts

  1. The Flames back-up goalie has a song. His own song. Made by someone in Sweden.
  2. About 400 different Sutters are employed by the Calgary Flames. GM, Coach, Player, Scout, Caterer, Rodent Hunter, and Sweater Knitter.
  3. The Flames won the Stanley Cup once. No- seriously!

Cracked on the Calgary Flames

There is a certain talent to maintaining mediocrity. Most sports teams will go through a cycle of being horrible, then decent, then competitive, and finally elite before starting it all over. The Flame's management, Darryl Sutter has decided that this is not the proper way to run a hockey club. Instead, at any sign of improvement or extreme competitiveness, he'll make sure that gets reversed quickly.

Instances of this include trading a horrible player away for a worse player, then resigning the first player the following off-season. Another fine example is trading a stud defenseman for a quarter of the second worst team in the league's opening night roster. Yes, that really happened.

The Flames may have some star players, but they'll never be more than mediocre, because let's face it, that's hard work. And the only hard work being done with the Flames organization is the following song being written by a Swedish guy. For the backup goalie.

The Upcoming Flames Season

The 2010/11 Calgary Flames season promises to be especially mediocre. Not only did the GM resign the terrible player mentioned above, but he also resigned a second player on a rerun with the team. Who's on a downward slope.

The better players on the team are aging, and it's showing in the play. There are threats of a walker-out if the management doesn't get adult diapers for every locker. Darryl Sutter is threatening to hire more relatives this season, and finally, the one significant addition made by the team was Assistant GM Jay Feaster, who single-handedly managed to tear down a Stanley Cup winning team, the 2003-2004 Lightning, in just 3 years.