Ian Benardo

Ian Benardo is a douchebag with an inflated sense of self-worth who believes himself to be a superstar, despite his lack of fame/talent.

He looks like the offspring of a fish and Mike

Just The Facts

  1. Ian Benardo is a pompous asshole.
  2. Ian Benardo has no talent.
  3. Ian Benardo uses his homosexuality as an excuse for why the judges hate him.
  4. Ian Benardo hates British people.

Who the hell is this guy?

If you haven't heard of Ian Benardo, don't worry, you're not alone. Ian Benardo is a New Yorker who made an ass of himself in 2007 on the shows So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol. He considers himself a superstar despite the facts that a) No one has heard of him and b) HE FUCKING SUCKS.

He even dresses like a mental patient.

To hear this guy speak is to hate him. He's constantly going on about how great he is and how he's totally going to win. Whenever he receives any criticism, he doesn't stop to think that maybe it means something. He just takes it to mean that whoever's criticising him is an idiot.

He is currently filing a $300 million lawsuit against American Idol because they apparently insulted his gayness. Most likely, he made that up because he hates Simon Cowell.

So You Think You Can Dance

One day, Ian got an idea: Since he was so good at dancing, he should try out for So You Think You Can Dance! His mom probably gave him the idea.

So, he marched down to the studio. Once he got there, he seemed to have even less dignity than usual. At the front desk, he listed his occupation as "hot" and proceeded to treabag the ground and then hump a stone pillar in front of the other contestants. He then claimed that he's a mixture of Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, and Janet Jackson, but he's more like a mixture of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, an epileptic chicken, and an eight-year-old.

He claims that he "exuberates fantasticism." More like "douchebagerism!" Ha ha!

When his time to audition came, he walked out wearing a mink coat to make himself look rich that, presumably, his mom gave to him. Then, he RickRolled the judges:

Obviously, the judges thought he was crap. Did he accept their judgement and move on?

Firstly, if you answered that question, you are an idiot, because it was rhetorical. Secondly, of course he didn't accept it! His excuse was that they "didn't see things well." Never mind that the judges are all skilled choreographers/dancers themselves, and that they're the judges because they're actually good at what they do! They obviously don't see things well!

Ian left in a huff, but it wasn't long before he got it in his head that he would be fit for...

American Idol

Ian probably figured, "I was such a success on So You Think You Can Dance that I would probably be perfect for American Idol!" Oh dear.

Clearly from the video below, the people at American Idol saw him coming and locked the door, but he got in anyway. I like to think that the reason he tells everyone that he's so great is because he realizes that he sucks and he's just trying to hype himself.

Anyway, time to audition! Ian walked in wearing another expensive furpiece that his mom bought him "to show the world how wealthy he can be." One chinchilla furpiece does not necessarily make you look wealthy, considering the rest of the clothes he was wearing, but whatever.

He went on to sing a horribly off-key rendition of "Gloria"...

...which the judges hated.

You'd think that maybe after being rejected for a second time, he might finally take the hint. And pigs will fly. After Simon Cowell's judgement, Ian retaliated by insulting Simons ethnicity and suggesting that he was an illegal immigrant. He was subsequently escorted out by the guard.

Since then, Ian hasn't made any public appearances, and... oh wait.

The American Idol finale

A few months ago, American Idol celebrated its finale by having Dane Cook do a musical version of all of Simon's zingers. The finale also featured several people who had previously been rejected from the show. Ian Benardo was one of them.

At one point in the song, Ian grabbed the mic and said "It's all about Ian Benardo tonight!" Well, of course it is now, fuckhead, you just hijacked the show.

Afterwards, Dane Cook called Ian a fuckhead for disrupting the show, but Simon Cowell still liked it.

Since then, the world has forgotten the douchebaggery of Ian Benardo. But you just know that someday he'll be back...

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