Medieval Torture Devices

If there is one thing that we know. And that is that people in the Medieval period: Were FUCKING CRAZY. Yes Its true. I even watched a documentary on this stuff, and even for my standards I was shocked.

Just The Facts

  1. Your were very unlucky to be born in this era, even more unlucky if you were accused of a crime
  2. They liked to think of the most painful devices ever made
  3. They liked their devices to involve some form of anal rape

Why all the fuss?

Well I knew life back then was hard. I'm not stupid and I did pay some attention in history class at school. Although when I was fately Ill off work one day and fately bored; I decided to watch a documentary on Medieval Life. And just so happens I stumbled across the episode where they were talking about torture.

These creations of pain and suffering were used mainly to punish criminals. Or simply just to try and get information and confessions out of people. Personally I feel that they most likely used that excuse just so they could use these devices on people. Guilty or not.

First in this program, was The Breast Ripper. It does exactly what it says on the tin. Or claw...Or whatever.

Men everywhere are probably reeling in horror at the idea of this. Why on earth would you ever rip off a womans best parts?

For cheating on their partners.

Yes that is why, women's breasts were brutally ripped off by these giant claws. It is because cheating on partners was a very serious offence back then. So serious, people went as far as ripping a womans chest to pieces. Most of the time she died. But if she survived, she would be left badly deformed. Why?

All that for cheating seems a little too far fetched for me. But its true thats what happened. And the next device is for even worse reasons...

The Judas Cradle

This is an interesting one. Imagine being raped up the arse. Then imagine being raped by a sharp triangular pyramid. Yeah, thats what I thought.


What did anyone do to deserve that?

It was used as a way to get information out of people and get them to confess to crimes they probably didn't commit. Because you know, the people back then would use any excuse to inflict pain on someone.

It was used by tying someone's legs together and while moving one leg, you will move the other, and that in turn, means moving the whole body around on this point.

But it gets worse, to speed up death: The would sometimes add a weight to your legs, so the point is rammed further up your ass.

And Just for fun! The torturers sometimes hoisted the person off the point, and dropped them back down on it again. And when they decided if it was too late to torture the poor person: the torturers would hoist the person above the Judas cradle and leave them hanging there until the next morning where torture can resume at 8am Sharpish.

And if you didn't die from being rammed up the arse, they never cleaned the device. So you would soon die of infection anyway from some one else's shit.

The Head Crusher

The Head crusher - sounds like a bad name for a superhero right? Wrong much worse than that...

A persons had was placed in the whole at the bottom and the crank turned until eventually, your teeth where pushed into your jaw and every bone in your head, crushed. Most of the time, a persons eye balls would pop out of their skull onto the floor. This caused an awful mess, so in later models of this device, there was a handy little trough at the bottom which caught the eyeballs in their own little container.

This was a particular punishment for criminals. And of course, always resulted in death.